Dover to Calais via Sea World
A few years back, a group of friends and I were in the pub, having an idle chat. I was talking with a very sweet but rather naive girl, Amy. For some reason we got onto the subject of the Channel Tunnel. Amy hadn't been on the Eurostar, but I had, so I decided to tell her all about it.
"Yeah, it's so cool," I said. "When it goes through the tunnel it's amazing. You know in those big aquarium parks like Sea World and places like that, where they have those glass tunnels that go right through the aquarium so you can walk through and see sharks swimming around you and stuff?" Amy's eyes widened. "Yes?!"
"Well it's exactly like that. The channel tunnel goes through the middle of the sea, not under it as some people seem to believe, and it's made entirely of glass. As the train goes through it you can see everything in the water around you." I didn't for a second think she'd actually believe this preposterous nonsense. Yes, she was rather naive, but surely not even a 5-year-old would believe such rubbish. I was just amusing myself, really. But sweet, trusting Amy seemed completed enthralled, and didn't doubt me at all. "Really? Wow, that's amazing. I had no idea!"
So I continued. "Yeah it's fantastic. And the amazing thing is, everyone thinks the English Channel is just a dark, gloomy, lifeless body of water that wouldn't have anything interesting in there to look at. But you'd be amazed. The water is actually really crystal clear and blue, almost tropical, totally different to how it looks on TV. And there's so much life down there! I saw these huge, colourful fish, thousands of them. And there were octopuses, massive ones, with their legs wrapped around the glass tube, looking in at us with their big goggly eyes. And all these coral reefs with sponges and stuff. So colourful! There were seahorses bobbing about among the sponges, and those cute little stripey orange fishies like Nemo. And then there were the sharks! Again, you wouldn't believe it, but I saw it for myself. Dozens of sharks. I'm not sure what species exactly, but they were big, that's all I know. People think you only get sharks in warm waters, but I tell you, there's millions of the buggers right there in the English Channel!" I went on and on, and the more Amy took in my tales of undersea adventures, the more bollocks I spouted about the various species of underwater life I saw as the Eurostar sped through the amazing tunnel. When I was finally done and had completely exhausted my massive supply of codswallop, I strolled off to the bar to get another pint and rejoin the others, and left Amy sitting there reflecting on my tales. I felt a little guilty for bulshitting so severely to her, but hey, no harm done. I'll tell her the truth next time I see her.
I bumped into Amy a couple of days later. "Hey, how's it going?" I asked. "Great!" she said. "I was thinking ahout what to get my boyfriend for his birthday, and then I remembered that he's really into scuba diving and loves underwater life. So I've just bought us two tickets for the Eurostar. He's gonna love it down there when he sees all that marine life!"
Oops. I congratulated her on her wise choice of gift and hurried off. I avoided her for the next couple of months.
( Biffins Bridge, Fri 19 Mar 2010, 11:07, Reply)