How to improve a joke.
I've been in the working world for about 10 years now, but only one person stands out as being, as I politely put it, too fucking stupid to live. Her name was Kirsty, and she looked like the long-lost daughter of Madmadame Mimm from Sword in the Stone. Oh, and she was quite portly to boot. Usually, she kept her gob shut. That was fine by me, as she was also lazy, histrionic and generally shit at her job. It's fair to say that the hand of cards life dealt her were probably not the best. So there you have the description of this singularly unfortunate individual. And I had to sit next to her. A worse version of my own personal hell to this day eludes me.

And so, to alleviate the sheer mind-numbing boredom and idiocy, and maybe try and make her feel better and give her a laugh, I tried the oldest joke in the book on her. The old "Y'hear about that actress who was stabbed? What was her name, that one who was in Legally Blonde- Reese..." and hope that she would respond "Witherspoon". Which she duly did. However, it wasn't to end there. Just as I was about to deliver the punchline, it started. "Really? REALLY? Reese Witherspoon was stabbed? Oh my God, the poor woman!"

There was nothing for it. The whole office, until now absorbed in their own work, were all trying to suppress giggles. Tears were streaming down my face. It couldn't get any worse. And then suddenly, it did. "It's not funny to laugh at people who've been stabbed!" Well that was it for me, I lost it. Totally lost it. Never had such a good belly laugh in my life, actually. Poor, poor Kirsty. She didn't know what was going on. Until she was disabused of her notion by the one member of the office who was able to talk between giggles, guffaws and grinning. Which would have been fine, but it took us 10 minutes to actually return Kirsty to the planes of reality. Poor girl. Poor, poor girl.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 19 Mar 2010, 17:22, 21 replies)

Badum-tch

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 19 Mar 2010, 19:26, closed)

is there an ASCII character for 'sharp nasal exhalation' that isn't being rendered here?

( moohalaa, Fri 19 Mar 2010, 19:32, closed)

That's your first mistake.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 19 Mar 2010, 19:33, closed)

This like reading cancer, but somehow much worse.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Fri 19 Mar 2010, 19:34, closed)

Was this near Grantham?
Kirsty sounds like an ex of mine
(__, Fri 19 Mar 2010, 19:45, closed)

uh, sorry, i mean "oh piston you dull cunt"

(__, Fri 19 Mar 2010, 19:56, closed)

The notion of YOU having a go at someone else's personality is AMAZING.
Seriously, you are a massively dull twat. An embarassment to be around or seen with. This girl sounds WAY better company than you purely by not being you.
Phone her, apologise for boring her stupid while she had to sit next to you and then shoot your fucking face off.
No offence.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 19 Mar 2010, 20:06, closed)

I wouldn't talk about what you don't know.
And you have to wonder where the thin line between online banter and online bullying comes to mind. An interesting quandary that one.

You stupid bipolar cunt.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 19 Mar 2010, 20:37, closed)

Fuck your mum u cunt!

(mpaz52, Fri 19 Mar 2010, 22:42, closed)

He already has.
She loves a bit of it.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 20 Mar 2010, 10:00, closed)

She is VERY sexy.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sat 20 Mar 2010, 10:01, closed)

Also, I like how you'e taken the trouble to write in proper words up to the word 'cunt'..
...and then lapsed into txt speak, like you've shot some kind of linguistic load.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 20 Mar 2010, 10:17, closed)