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This is a question Stupid Tourists

What's the stupidest thing you've ever heard a tourist say? Ever heard an American talking about visiting "Scotchland, England", or (and this one is actually real) a Japanese couple talking about the correct way to say Clapham is actually Clatham, as "ph" sounds are pronounced "th". Which has a certain logic really. UPDATE: Please, no more Loogabarooga stories. It's getting like, "and I opened my eyes and my mum had left me a cup of tea!"

(, Thu 7 Jul 2005, 16:31)
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We know where you live...
Some years ago I was working as Town Crier for the city of St.Albans. Summer job announcing all kinds of utter crap to make sure that people knew what the hell was happening on Market Days.*

I'd just finished announcing the day's events at the top end of the town when I was approached by two of the fattest people I have ever seen. One of them, sturggling with a tiny phrasebook in his pudgy paws spoke loudly and slowly to me in a language which alas I didn't understand at all.**
The ensuing conversations remains with me to this day.

"I'm sorry, I don't understand you. Do you speak any English ?"

"Of course we speak English! We're from Idaho! Why don't you speak Italian ?"

"Ahm, because we're in England, not Italy ?"

"You're wrong, this is Rome. Rome is in Italy"

"We're not in Rome, really we're not."

"Yes we are. We're touring Europe, and we're here to see the Roman ruins."

"Well, the Roman ruins are down the hill there, but I assure you you're not in Italy, you're in England."

"No, we're in Rome. England was yesterday"

At which point they waddled off towards the old Roman city of Verulamium, muttering to each other about the fool in the red coat who didn't even know which country Rome was in.

*Yes I am serious, sad isn't it.
**Alas all the laguages I speak fluently have the phrase "syntax error" as a major feature
(, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 13:40, closed)

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