Bowel obstruction
Well... as my first B3TA post, it may as well be an embarassing one.

So I went to a party, some people I didnt know there, some people who annoyed me and really not enough to drink. You know how it is, you start on the cider, that goes, so you move on to beer, and by then you're so smashed that it doesn't matter what you drink.

I'd got bored, so decided to to see just what my system could take. Combine this with drunkenness, and you'll start to see where we're headed.

I started off eating an orange- not too rad, really, but it had the entire skin on, so it wasn't that nice. Then I wanted to try some garlic, so I ate three of four cloves of that. My alchohol inpregnated brain told me it was fun, so then I fell over. Possibly, I can't remeber. After that I got up again.

After a bit of fun involing water on sleeping people, we started playing drinking games. Now, since no one could rember any, we decided to play "Fill mugs with vodka and drink them quickyl game". Since I already had a pretty good start on every else, having by this time consumed 3 beers, four ciders, most of a bottle of cheap wine, half a bottle of whisky and some vodka, I started falling over fairly regualry.

I did it very stylishly though, saying "Excuse me for a bit, lads", collpasin with and almighty crash then getting back up a bit later. I also played the piano at this time, and someone humped me.

Then we started playing monopoly. Someone was beating me, or sometihng, so I ate his piece (the car) and washed it down with some coke, followed by vodka. I was then bet "You can't eat the entire set, if you can I'll give you £30". Now that was hard to turn down, I have good faith in my digestive system. And it fit in with my ealier actions, so I though, what the hell.

So there I am, eating monopoly, passing out for around a minute every now and again and drinking vodka. I get all the metal pieces, all of the house and half of the chance card before sometihng feels strange. I have a go at the main board, but that is bloody thick and I can't chew it. After that I dirnk some more drink, and try to find a nice pair of boobies to sleep on. I can't rember if I did, though I imagine I filed because I woke up at around four to find myself on a concrete floor in a room somewhere. I also felt *really* sick. So, I went to find the toilet.

After standing on somepeople as I blundered around, I found the pisser. Then I was sick init. This I repeated about 6 times before morning.

Then I woke up, and while managing to keep both the tea I had and some toast down, I didnt feel too good. I think I was still durnk, to be honest.

So I get home and collaps on the couch. I'm there for 12 hours. I'm sweating like a pig, have a bitch of a headache and I can't move. Literally, I'm paralysed. I stay in this kind of state for around three days, not shitting, eating or moving. My parents decided that I've come down with flu.

Then they discover the metal bus in the toilet. That took some explaining.
(snafle my bijingo please, Sun 16 Apr 2006, 15:15, Reply)