About 10 years ago I was travelling around New Zealand......
and at one point I was working nights as a forklift truck driver in a massive frozen warehouse that processed frozen veg.

Everything was stored in wooden sided pallets- about seven foot high they were, and they were stored one on top of another until they got up to the roof. The stacks were five high.

One day I was sent to get some frozen peas for the mixed veg mixer (a machine, rather than a job title) and in my haste I accidentally clipped another pallet as I reversed out of that row. I thought to myself 'Phew, no one was around to see me clip that pallet- that's avoided a piss take or two.' It was then that I decided to look up.

Through the flimsy chicken wire roof of the forklift I could see that the tiny knock on the bottom pallet behind me had become a bloody massive wobble by the time it got up to the roof. I believe I may have used the F word before there was a massive bang and everything went dark.

It took 5 men with shovels about 10 minutes to reach a position where I could get out from beneath what I was later told was 'about 3 tonnes' of frozen sweetcorn kernels. Within those 10 minutes I had convinced myself that there was no way I was dead, despite being cold and unable to move, because that would be a stupid way to die, and I doubt St Peter and his angels would be calling me a dopey cunt in a Kiwi accent.

After extraction I was sent for a cup of tea to calm down whilst everyone else filled two skips with the sweetcorn I had ruined. I was later joined by them on their teabreak and we had a good joke about it- how the newspapers would have reported my death and just how the British embassy in Auckland would phrase the letter that informed my parents of demise. I hadn't been scared at all so far. If anything it was too surreal to be scary.

That is until someone sitting on the other side of the room loudly announced. 'It wouldn't have been the sweetcorn that would have killed you. It would have been the wood. Or the nails. They'd have killed you outright I reckon, one of them to the skull. You're lucky it was sweetcorn though- could have been diced carrots. They all freeze together into a big lump and you'd have been crushed to death.'

I'm not sure if I vomited and then passed out, or passed out then came round to vomit- Those next few minutes were a little hazy. The pants remained 'unbrowned', but I'd be lying if I said a little bit of wee didn't come out. At least they let me go home early though.
(FartThroughAWalkieTalkie wished you were dead in ditch on, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 16:33, 1 reply)

Edit your post
To say your trousers DIDN'T remain unbrowned, then you can get some sort of sweetcorn/poo reference in.

No need to thank me.
(Rsoles, Sat 7 Apr 2012, 13:55, closed)