I might have mentioned this somwhere before...
I used to have an Italian boss. This man was Everything that the stereotypes would have you believe: The silk scarf he wore would flutter hopefully if he even walked *close* to a scooter.

When lasses failed to come up to scratch in the office, he'd regularly be heard shouting "Faaking Weemen you are soo stew-pid" ... but they loved him none-the less.

His driving style was... erratic, and his right hand was used solely for offensive and dismissive gestures.

But... the point that I'm slowly rambling towards was his penchant for stealing fruit from people's desks. Most canteens in Sweden supply free fruit to round off a meal, resulting in people having an apple banana or similar perched on their desks in readyness for the 3pm peckishness.. Roberto would walk around, and seemingly without thought, take an apple, polish it suggestively in his groin area, and eat it.

The man was so smooth that he once ate a squishy nectarine without a drop of juice dripping anywhere, and without having to lick his lips...

In short.. we all envied him, but loved him.

Then came his replacement. Seedy and less savoury. This chap had heard about Roberto's fruit-basket tom-foolery, and decided that it would be good to emulate his cheeky apple-snaffling tactics. The difference was, he wouldn't do it infront of you: he'd take it while you weren't looking.

We rebelled. At first we took to "*olla-ing" a piece of "bait" fruit... but this meant that we weren't happy to eat it.

(*Ollon is Swedish for bell-end.. to "Olla" something is to smeer your flacid pope's hat on it - suit able targets being key-boards and the bridge of someone's sunglasses... or the back of their camera, at nose.level etc)

The bait-Fruit was never taken... well.. not in 3 days... and we wanted fast results.

Next lunchtime we all went with the boss.. and upon exiting the canteen, each and every guy took his own apple, banana or tangerine and put it down his under-pants. The boss looked suitably confused.... "What the hell are you guys doing"

"Well.. some ass-hat in the office keeps on stealing out fruit... so we habitually carry our fruit back to the office in our pants"

He actually looked rather ill. :o)
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Fri 27 Apr 2007, 6:31, Reply)