The magic pint
I hate people who steal drinks or are generally rude to bar staff - drinking is a privilege, not a right, so try and act like an adult when you've had a few and everyone else will accord you some respect.

To this end, I found myself working behind a very very very busy bar in a club for some time, and the customers were grade A arseholes for the most part. Rude, obnoxious, arrogant fucking twats with no ettiquette or manners.

Good manners don't cost nothing, however, calling my barmaids "stupid cows" or "deaf bitches" would earn you a drink in a glass that I'd wiped my smeggy cock round. I even had a reserve of glasses, prepared at the start of the evening, that I'd instructed my staff to use for particularly troublesome customers.

Minesweeping was also an issue in this club, so to resolve the issue one evening, I took an empty pint glass and emptied my bladder into it, just over halfway full of hot yeasty smeggy cloudy pish. I then topped it off with some nice cold lager, with a perfect head, and left it on the bar.

Within two minutes, some random had come along, spotted the pint, eyed up both me and the other barman (who was near apopletic trying to contain his laughter), picked it up, necked a good mouthful, then wondered off with his booty.

He returned later to complain that his pint smelt funny, but not until he'd passed it round all his mates, who all sniffed it and had a taste to see what he was on about.

Serves you right you thieving ratbag, you and your pikey mates.
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Fri 27 Apr 2007, 20:34, Reply)