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This is a question Well, that taught 'em

Sammi Evil Nice writes "I shared with two students, and it was always the same; whenever it was near to paytime, my milk *and only this* would disappear.

One of them, John, was a lovely bloke but allergic to nuts. John makes tea. Soon after, John starts swelling up.

ME: Runs, administers epi-pen. "You're going into anaphalactic shock."
HIM: "How do you know?"
ME: "I put almond oil in my milk."

What have you done to teach somebody a lesson?

(, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 14:54)
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Balls to you!
At school I wasn't very sporty, I was fit but didn't like school sports. I hated playing football, my two left feet made it impossible for me to kick a ball in anything near a straight line. I was however not too bad in defence, I had a habbit of just getting in peoples way, doing their ankles in and messing up a carefully planned attack.

One time I was picked for the team with the absolute arse-head of the entire year. Lets call him 'Dummo'. Dummo was one of those cocky bastards who thought he was a one man football team, full of himself and a thoroughly unpleasant guy to be around. So he gives us all positions, I mention that i'm slightly better in defence than in goal and point out the obvious that a 5'4" runt like meself isn't too good in a full size goal. So the stupid bastard puts me in goal, I'm really pissed.

The game begins, Dummo is running up and down the field like a rutting gazelle. Showing off his ball skills, forgetting that he has 10 other players on the team. I stand in the middle of the goal blissfully unaware of what is going on.

Suddenly I hear my name called, Dummo is hurtling down the pitch, red faced and screaming obscenities at me. I look down and see about 10 yards away the ball rolling gently across the grass towards my goal.

I could have stopped it with my foot. I could have sneezed heavily and the bloody thing would have stopped. I saw this, saw how angry Dummo was and made my move.

I waited until the second the ball had passed the line before collapsing sideways in a mock-dive. Cue a round of applause from the entire team and Dummo raging like an angry frog. Turns out everyone else hated him as well.

Length? Just over the line.
(, Tue 1 May 2007, 0:14, Reply)

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