It burnsssssss ussss
I went on a stag night with a bunch of rugby lads. (I know, I know). They'd asked me to arrange a nice curry house. But what they actually wanted was not a "nice curry house" but a "deserted wipe-clean soundproofed warzone".

Why do rugby lads feel the need to get naked when they drink? I drink. I drink a lot. I've done many, many regrettable things when drunk but I have never ever feel the need to get my kit off in a public place. And why do drunken rugby lads like playing with each other's genitals? Why?

Anyway, these bladdered yahoos start terrorising the very polite, very efficient restaurant staff. Shouting, swearing, getting naked (why???) and waving their knobs about. Mercifully, we were screened from the rest of the diners by a growing human screen of very serious-looking Asian gentlement. One rugger bugger in particular was having great fun dunking his bollocks in things: beer, water, yoghurt, rice.

He then decided to rub the sensitive flesh of his "his meat and two veg" with his curry. He was eating vindaloo.

Oh my, did he quickly realise the error of his ways! He started shouting for water. But, mysteriously, all the staff had disappeared. His calls became more insistent but still there was not a waiter to be seen. Then he started to become polite, asking "please" for some water - but there was nobody to hear his requests. Even after the sobbing began.It was almost eerie. Having hovered over us for the entire meal, the waiters left us alone for a good 15 minutes so this guy could stew in his own juices.

Length? Dear me no, it was really fiery vindaloo.
( calgacus Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae, Tue 1 May 2007, 12:22, Reply)