Well, that taught 'emSammi Evil Nice writes "I shared with two students, and it was always the same; whenever it was near to paytime, my milk *and only this* would disappear.
One of them, John, was a lovely bloke but allergic to nuts. John makes tea. Soon after, John starts swelling up.
ME: Runs, administers epi-pen. "You're going into anaphalactic shock."
HIM: "How do you know?"
ME: "I put almond oil in my milk."
What have you done to teach somebody a lesson?
(, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 14:54)
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that'll learn me.....Well it certainly should have done, for I have a secret, I have a severe problem with rational behaviour whilst tipsy.
Picture the scene, phone call early afternoon stating that muchio beer shall be flowing, and all and sundry are to meet in the arcadian in Birmingham at 10pm friday night to have a few and then on to a house party with some of my mates very fit bar staff collegues.
Not one to disappoint, but living out of town means I rely on the lovely rural bus network. So I arrive a good 3 hours early.
No problem I think, I'll have a bit of a wander, and grab a few cold ones and wait it out.
Now, I'm not adverse to having a pint on my own waiting for a train or what not, reading the paper and generally keeping a relativley low profile comes naturally.
On my wanderings I decide one one establishment, then another and end up in a gay bar just off Hurst street... now this isn't a flambouyant joint, nothing could be further from the truth, it looks just like anyother old mans pub (think 2 pints of lager and a packet of crisps). So sat at the bar I order my drink.
Its now that I should have learnt the warning signs. In gay bars when men offer to buy you a pint its not a chummy affair to chat about football and bitch about women - I suppose I now truely feel what its like to be a woman.
But I still hadn't learnt my lesson, oh no... 4 pints later and nearly 10pm I get up to leave, when I'm pounced upon... the guy trys to snog me, did I learn my lesson... I think the beer and fag breath got quite close.
but thats not the whole story, for my real secret is that whilst drunk I am fully incapable of using a cash point to withdraw the ammount of money that I require... In this case probably about 30 quid... oh no... so with the saliva on my face still drying I waddle to a cashpoint, draw out 300 quid, and mosey on down to the meeting place.
now this is where I really should have learnt that, being incredibly tankered, with 300 quid in my pocket, smelling of drunk gay man spittal its probably best not to respond to drunk rants from chavs in a bar behind a curtain of man meat that's the average Birmingham bouncer.
but oh no... I'm invincible...
Soo I should really have learnt my lesson when I get my teeshirt ripped off my back, loose my wallet, smash the back off my phone, and realise I have no idea where all my mates are.
So did I learn my lesson whilst trying to get the 15 miles home... moneyless, phone cakedness, and teeshirtless...
did I buggery - that'll learn my parents to use protection.
length wasn't nessecesary - I certainly wasn't going to take it...
(, Thu 3 May 2007, 11:33, Reply)
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