The Saga of Steve
Steve was a bit of a gorilla who was 'Head of Replenishment', or some such, when I used to spend my teenage nights shelf-stacking in Safeway.

-On his breaks, he'd get an Aero and vegetable soup from the vending machines and dip the Aero in the vegetable soup. I was once persuaded to try this, and have to admit it did actually work out far tastier than expected.
-He developed a massive paranoia about the local Asda, which he felt was outperforming Safeway. He visited Asda repeatedly (in disguise so they wouldn't cotton on), and made complaints in their comments book so bizarre that he hoped it would take them hours and possibly large amounts of money trying to deal with them. My personal favourite (this went on for months) was "I have a chronic lack of balance caused by a mental condition and have fallen over several times on the slope leading down to your entrance. If you do not remedy the situation, I WILL sue."
-One Christmas, he wanted to drag a pallet of chocolates out onto the shop floor and just dump it there to save time actually 'stacking', but there was an old couple unwarily blocking the door to the stockroom. Politely ask them to move? Too slow. He pushed the pallet INTO them, shouting 'Beep beep!' at the last moment, then steered the pallet around the old lady's prone form and zoomed off into the store, while I helped a dumbfounded pensioner pick up his weeping wife.
-Is your stockroom getting too full because you have too many bales of compacted cardboard lying around on pallets waiting for collection? Wheel them out into the staff carpark, tip them off the pallets, and set fire to them. The fire brigade (called by the panicking store manager) were a little peeved.

His Nemesis came in the form of a bloke who worked in the store bakery, who he got into a prolonged feud with. It escalated in the break room to a proper shouting match, and he told the guy (in front of an assistant manager) that he was the wrong man to fuck with because he' got a shotgun at home and wasn't afraid to use it.

I was very sad to see him go, he made spending four hours a night checking the baked beans hadn't run out a far more unpredictable and exciting experience than it might otherwise have been.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Sat 20 Jun 2009, 11:00, Reply)