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This is a question The Boss

My chief at a large retail chain used to decide on head office redundancies by chanting "One potato, two potato" over the staff list. Tell us about your mad psycho bosses - collect your P45 on the way out.

Bruce Springsteen jokes = Ban, ridicule

(, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:06)
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Vengeance pie
My first boss was a proper cunt, the type of wannabe-squaddie waste of meat that you would gleefully throw off the edge of a cliff and add your own silly sound effects.

I worked for him for just over a year until he informed me that I was gonna be let go but with the consolation that I would be able to contract from him for even more dosh. Result, thought I the idiot.

So last day he checks that I've got all the assets I need to carry on my projects at home, this included source code of projects and some databases, one being a massive database containing sales information on a popular fast-food chain.

I spend a couple of weeks finishing off my work and even travel the 40 miles to the new office to work on site for a day despite not being a driver. (Fuck trains, fuck buses, fuck em all!) All this worthwhile thinks I as it's for way more money then I was on before.

Then it happens, he fucks me over. I come home that night I come home to a nastily worded solicitors letter informing me I'm about to be legally raped for stealing source materials and client data from the company. Cunting fucking cunt fuck.

I call him up the next day and speak to his partner, funny that eh twatface not being around, who informs me how he's going to bitchslap me into bankruptcy and discredit me over the better parts of the industry (this chap was a squaddie cunt too btw).

Long story short, he falsely led on that he would give me contract work and just screwed me out of two weeks full of contracting hours, at a fucking cheapo rate too! I lost about 800 quid worth of business reckons I. We settled up by me saying to his partner 'oh I just took it to learn, I'm an idiot, dunno what I'm doing, so sorry guys, love you, blah blah'. the most bitter pill I've ever had to swallow. I was a young idiot of 19 though.

Anyhoo, couple of years later I get a job at a proper company where he ironically works as a senior technical manager. I play nice, don't call him names he deserves, even make him a cup of tea or two. Only when I pop out to the local bakery and the cunt asks me to pickup a pie do I realise that my time of vengeance had arrived.

I manage to secure him a pie that came directly out of the oven that's set to about 400 degrees C. Now don't think I'd settle for simply legging it back to the office to watch him strip the flesh off his tongue, I went one better.

Popped into the lavvies when I returned and proceeded to churn out some of the most potent man batter that side of England had seen and after smearing it all over the pie to give it that 'fresh cooked glaze' do I re-wrap it and drop it on his desk.

Cue a thumbs up later from the dick whilst he says that's the nicest pie he's had in years.

All is right in the world of the idiot.

For the length you have my apologies, finally popped my cherry with a semi-rant that's bugged me for the last 8 years.
(, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 17:33, 3 replies)
Don't apologise for the length!
As with so many things, it's the length that makes it so good!
(, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 17:58, closed)
No offence, but this sort of "revenge" annoys me
X fucked me over for £££££/raped my dad/killed my dog and I "got them back" by doing something they didn't notice and which did them no harm.

If an ex came up to me tomorrow with a photo of my toothbrush up their bum, I'd say "huh... I didn't taste anything and didn't develop any mouth ulcers, so why should I care?"
(, Tue 23 Jun 2009, 11:23, closed)
No offence taken
It was more of a personal victory than anything else, being a bit of a shy and undaring person was getting me down and what he did to me stung pretty bad for a long time as we were friends. He clearly showed that he'll fuck a friend over money so it eat away at me. I've not done anything like that since and don't plan to, it was an outrageous act to catalyze a personal change that I desperately needed. :)

EDIT: plus, I'm still an idiot and probably always will be
(, Tue 23 Jun 2009, 12:37, closed)

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