I was in The Wyndham pub in Salisbury, enjoying Winter Lightning way too much and missed the last train home.
Being drunk, I decided that this was not a problem. I would walk home. To Portsmouth.

I walked to a Tesco Metro and stocked up on essential provisions - Mars Bars, 4 litres of water, and a 1kg block of cheese.

I then set off in the direction of Portsmouth, aided only by my old fashioned GPS handset showing a "Portsmouth Is This Way" arrow. I left suburbia and followed country lanes in the correct general direction before being overtaken by an overwhelming urge to shit.

I entered a quiet field, squatted in a hedge and, to my horror, sprayed watery shit across the hedgerow. I had been drinking all day, after all. After cleaning myself up as best as I could and throwing the soiled tissues as far as possible into the hedge, I realised that the hedgerow wasn't that thick, and actually backed on to someone's garden, and that I had just decorated the bushes with shit-covered hankies.

I continued on my merry way, until I hit a railway line. Luckily it wasn't electrified, so I crossed, and then hit a fence and brambles blocked my way. I ended up having to double back and follow the railway until I could find a way to cross it. I eventually sobered up, and phoned a friend to come and pick me up.

I've since learned a valuable lesson from all this - not to set off without a map.
( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 4:34, Reply)