Some plumbers are bastards
After having rather too much to drink last night at a friends house (there was a special on Olde English Cider at my local Morrisons) I strangely thought it would be a great idea to prank call a few of the more late night establishments that are more than happy to rip off your arms and legs in payment for a couple of minutes work just because its after office hours.

So, sat across from a couple of empty houses in a very student-y area, we began with the obligatory calling of various taxi and food takeaway companies, and sat giggling merrily as people piled up outside these empty houses, knocking on the doors for up to 5 minutes before hurling obscenities and leaving. It was all jolly fun.

Looking through the Yellow Pages I came across an ad for the holy grail of prank calls; a 24-hour emergency plumbers. So the scene was set; I was stood in the kitchen running a tap, with friends on standby. The call to the plumbers went like so (It was a large national company so I had no guilt at all):

Them: Hello there, and thank you for calling [plumbers], what seems to be your emergency?
Me: Hi mate. My flatmate has just been for a crap and when he's flushed its started spewing up this foul smelling sewer shit into my bathroom. The whole flat stinks of shit and I think I'm gonna keel over.
Them: Jesus, that sounds bad. Where are you at?
Me: I'm at [address]. Can you get him to hurry please? This smell is evil.
Them: Ok, I can have someone out in 40 minutes.
Me: Brilliant, I'm off down the pub to get away from the smell of Beelzebub's sphincter. Bye

After waiting eagerly for over an hour and a half, the guy eventually arrives, parking right outside the house I was hiding in. He gets out, scratches his arse with a spanner, and knocks on the door. He waits for about 10 seconds, and seeing the house in darkness, he turns away and heads back to the van. At which point he sees 3 giggling students, pissed out of their faces, looking right at him. Shit.

Since I called the guy, I was the one forced outside to confront him as he called us names from the street I can barely remember. For some reason, I grabbed a boomerang as protection and made my way to the front door. Cue then 5 minutes of this guy telling me he missed getting laid by his wife and having to come out here and piss about standing in the rain waiting to unblock a Mr Tom Jones' toilet. After making me feel 6 inches tall he told me I had to hang my head in shame and say "Sorry Mr Plumber".

I'd have felt sorry for the guy, but he jumped back in his van and called his boss, telling him that he'd "unblocked the drain from outside but no bastard was answering the door." He then relayed the phone number from the To Let sign to his boss so they could bill the landlord. The cheeky git. We got him back by throwing condoms full of ice cream at his van as he left.

Length? Probably about 30ft, but the milky discharge wasn't very convincing.
(guyie failed to be witty on, Fri 21 Sep 2007, 0:37, Reply)