Caught by the fuzz
The summer following my first year of university, we moved out of hall into shabby student digs. Two of us moved in immediately, and as the new term approached a third housemate arrived. Time for a celebration! So we stocked up on beer and whiskey, got in some rubbish videos (e.g. Bad Taste) and settled in to drink ourselves unconscious.

We had the TV on as loud as it would go, then of course had to shout to communicate. We argued, we sang, we even danced (well, staggered around in a drunken stupor). A fine and raucous time was had by all.

It was nearing 2am when all of a sudden, one housemate -- B -- announced that he needed a piss, so disappeared downstairs. Then another -- S -- decided he also needed one so off he went. Time passed. Eventually, I noticed that they hadn't come back. I turned down the TV, shouted. No answer.

I staggered downstairs to find the house empty, and the bikes missing from the hallway. I was just pondering the mystery when there came a knock at the door. Opening the door, I was all ready to hurl a mouthful of expletives at the dozy wankers for locking themselves out of the house. Fortunately, I was able to contain my torrent of abuse when I was greeted by a couple of rather tired-looking police officers.

Apparently the house next door had rung them to complain about the noise. Marshalling what little remained of my wits, I invited them in to demonstrate that I was the only one in the house, that the TV was at a reasonable volume and that I'd simply been having a quiet night in. I tried to distract their attention from the pile of empty beer cans and whiskey bottles, and suggested that perhaps the neighbours were over-sensitive to noise. They seemed to accept all this at face value and after politely suggesting that I try to keep my late-night video watching to a minimum, they left.

With impeccable timing, just as I was watching the police car disappear up the street one way, from the other direction came drunken yelling and cursing. 'Round the corner came S and B, wobbling along on bikes and shouting at each other.

"I crashed into a church!" said B with a grin a mile wide. S fell off his bike into the gutter, stood up, and threw up into next door's garden. B then disppeared up the road on foot, returning the following lunchtime after falling asleep on a park bench.

Good times.
( reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Mon 24 Sep 2007, 9:49, Reply)