Happy Motoring the sequel
I have been in 2 motoring incidents recently and suffered totally different reactions.

The first happened as I was going down the M6. There were a few lorries in the slow lane so I was in the middle lane doing around 80mph, cruise control on. Slowly, a van crawled right up behind me with what looked like a strategically shaved chimpanzee driving and what was probably his girlfriend in the passenger seat. He went so far up my car’s arse that I’m surprised he couldn’t reach over and press my accelerator pedal down himself. He started flashing his lights at me.

As I watched his face contort with rage in my mirror, I thought to myself ‘Why the fuck does this twunt not just overtake me if he’s in such a hurry? That’s what the fast lane is for isn’t it?’

Lo and behold, this spacker moves into the fast lane…inches up beside me, promptly hits the maximum speed limit his shit-heap van will allow...and stays there, going the exact same speed as I was.

Now as I’ve got cruise control on, my speed has not altered one iota, but as far as this mong is concerned, I have put my foot down to keep up with him.

As we’re driving along side-by-side this becomes a bit embarrassing to me and I don’t want to look over…but I do and see this mutant thrusting his groin towards the steering wheel in a vain attempt to gain any extra speed. I smirk and wink at his embarrassed-looking girlfriend as his arms flail about like he’s having some sort of seizure. The pleb is forced to give up, drops back to the middle lane and right behind me again, where he continues to scream and turn a delightful shade of haemorrhoid purple.

Apparently, despite the fact that my speed had not changed by 1mph, this twatbrick had decided that this white-dog-poo of a van’s shitty lack of acceleration issues were all my fault.

To be honest, I could’ve stayed there all day watching this fucko burst a blood vessel but was bored of him by this point. I flicked him the ‘V’ sign, made the international gesture for ‘wanker’ and sped off, leaving him for dust.

Little shit-biscuit.

The second incident however was very different; I was turning off a roundabout onto a dual carriageway when I just slipped into the fast lane without checking my mirrors. When I finally did check behind me, I found that I had inadvertently cut up a youngish couple in a little hatchback. I didn't think it was much of a problem, but it was nonetheless my fault and so held my hand up apologetically. However, did the driver scream, wretch, hurl abuse and insulting gestures?

No, he smiled a sarcastic smile and applauded. Slowly.

God, I felt about 5 years old….and like a proper spod.

(Very) long story short…. raging like a fucking deranged lunatic doesn’t get you any sympathy, but calmly being told that you’re a twat makes you think twice before doing such twatty things again
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 24 Sep 2007, 13:04, Reply)