My mate Smithy
prefers to keep his lower regions tidy by shaving and trimming as appropriate. He told me the following story one night when we were playing at a wedding. During the buffet. In a loud voice. In earshot of most of the guests.

His wife Nicola had been having a bath one night, so he asked her to run him one too when she'd finished. This she did, and in he went. He said that normally when he ran a bath, he'd put in enough water to dip his arse in, have a quick scrub and get out. But Nicola filled the bath right up with hot water and bubbles, so he got in and read a magazine for about an hour before deciding to get out.

I commented at this point that after such soakings one's scrotum would be well relaxed, such that one's balls are close to knee level. He laughed and agreed and said, "Aye, it's just as well too".

Because when he got out, he realised he'd forgotten to shave his pubes, so picked up a pair of Nicola's nail scissors which he found (rounded ends, but turned up at the tip) and started "trimming the sporran". He was having a conversation with her through the door, when suddenly he felt an almighty pain.

"Nicola! Better come in here!"

"What is it?" she said, coming in. "Aaagh - what have you done?"

He looked down and saw a half inch long V-shaped cut ("like a wee fanny" apparently) in his nutsack, which was now spewing blood all over the bathroom.

Nicola was all for getting him to A&E but Smithy would hear none of it, as he was afraid the doctors would take the piss when they found out how he'd done it. (Which they wouldn't have, being professionals, but we certainly did!)

Eventually he put a Band-Aid on it! It leaked blood for three days.

Far too much information, Smithy. And all the wedding guests thought so too!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 6 Sep 2007, 12:21, Reply)