TMI? It adds to the experience!
When I was about 15-16, I was starting to dabble in the ways of frolicking with the ladies. However, I hit a snag. As soon as I tried to put 'li'l pooflake' in, it hurt like stinging ming-sticks. I started to believe the stories I had been told about fannies having teeth, but wanting a second opinion, went to see old doctor quack-sawbones.

He decided that, when erect, my diddy-dude was too big for my forskin (is that a yay?) and that I should be circumcised.

I had it done. It fucking killed like nothing on earth. So damned bleeding right I gave everybody I saw waaaaay too much information of every precise detail. And I'm still not finished.

Here for your viewing pleasure, are some of the highlights:

I was improperly anaesthetised and woke up as I was being pushed through the operating doors post-op…with a massive circle of blood round my nether-regions and letting out a cack-curdling scream that would make a banshee sound like Aled Jones singing a lullaby.

The bandage they put on my bell-end was so ineffective that it had fell off before I had returned to my bed. So blood from the open wound and crusty stitches of the relative hatchet job continued to splurge out willy nilly (intended).

A couple of hours later, as the bloodflow was clotting and getting lumpier, the good people from the NHS decided that they needed the bed, but before they could kick me out I had to prove that my tadger wasn’t irreparably damaged. Therefore a very attractive (it had to be didn’t it?) young nurse had to escort me to the bogs and listen to me piss. However, it was the sound of pouring blood hitting the water that convinced her I should be hoofed out on my arse.

I didn’t even have the foresight to pack tight Y-fronts or anything to strap the laddo in place for the lift home as every movement was excruciating to my cock-end. Oh no, baggie boxers for me (and I swear my mum deliberately drove home the bumpy way and insisted on hitting every pothole).

Mmmmf. Bump…mmmf….jesus

We get home, and I am approached by a very excited dog that jumps and makes a beeline for….you guessed it.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW! FUCKING HELL MY COCK!

Mum: Pooflake, don’t be so rude, he’s just happy to see you.

I went to bed…and stayed there.

Next morning, I awoke to find that the dog had eaten a huge hole and every scrap of blood and god knows what from my discarded undercrackers.

Now is THAT TMI?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 6 Sep 2007, 13:57, Reply)