A Better Class...
Picture the scene: it was Rockness 2009, and there I was sat with Dave and Russ in Chris' Mate. (I should probably explain that Chris' mate was what we christened our tent, in honour of the mobile phone we found on the bus to said festival. The only identifying features were 2 texts: one from mum saying how proud she was, one to a man called Chris. Hence Chris' Mate. I should also point out there was a video of the phone's owner fapping in the video gallery...)

But I digress...

There we were sat, in Chris' Mate, lighting our barbeque using some smuggled in lighter fluid. Cue the fireman coming over and telling us to move our (now burning hot) barbeque to one of the designated cooking areas. We enquired where this was. He hadn't a bloody clue. So we moved the fire next to the fence, which was apparently good enough for him.

It was then that we noticed the tent. I say tent, what it really was was a couple of bin bags tied to the fence in a rudimentay bivouac-like fashion. And it was held together with chopsticks. Looking over towards a group of casual stoners, we discovered the dwelling's owner: a tramp of questionable origins, wearing a hat saying "Shit happens" and open-toed sandals revealling the blackest toes ever seen on a white man.

We later got chatting to said tramp, and what a nice fella he was too. His voice lilted with a West Country accent, and, as it turned out, he was touring the festivals of the United Kingdom. As he always did. Apparently.

So we gave him a lorne sausage, and continued merrily conversing as he tried to sell his 'tent' to passing piss-heads. He offered to include a free puncture repair kit (a bin bag) and would take anything he was offered. The reason for him selling his cushie abode, apparently, was that the aforementioned stoners had decided to let him stay in their tent for the remainder of the festival.

As we left to see the first band of the day, no-one had taken him up on his offer. However, he had errected a sign which read "Tent for Sale" and had a mobile number on it.

We never saw him again, but in his own words, he was "a better class of tramp". And do you know what? He really was...

P.S. If you're really that keen, here's a pic of the grubby chap himself: picasaweb.google.co.uk/herculesmoments/Rockness2009#5352686576181407698
P.P.S. Pop...
(beetlejuice Go and boil your bottoms you sons of silly persons, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 16:05, Reply)