window-popper terrifies local student
So, when I was at university, I was unfortunate enough to be sharing a house with eleven other people. What's worse is that I occupied the first room (Room 0), which was the very front room of the house, the enormous windows facing the busiest thoroughfare of this particular town. It was also an ancient house, with them kind of slidy windows you only really see in wartime films or cowboy shows.

Anyway, I was in my room, happily smoking a joint one evening, looking at porn on my uni-funded laptop - and to my surprise I had found that the town tramp had silently slid up the side window, poked his head through the space and was quietly watching me. I noticed him, instantly became terrified, (closed down the porn sites), and inquired as to his motives for becoming a peeping tom.

"Have you got the internet by there on that computer have you is it?"
(The university was in Wales)

I nodded.

"Right tidy, go here on the internet will you then, and go to this place then will you?"

He handed me a scrumpled note upon which was scrawled the address for a self-tattooing kit. I loaded up the site for him and he looked in awe. He was getting pretty comfortable at this point, poking his head further in, leaning his elbow on the sill.

"Ahhh, tidy! Look at that! Tidy mun, tattoos innit! Nice one, lush mun!"

I neglected to mention earlier that even though he was being fairly polite with me (despite the ninja-like opening of my window), he was one of those hard-looking tramps with tattoos all over his rotting face. As he looked at my computer screen I fearfully looked at him, willing him to disappear behind the curtain and out of my room forever.

"Listen butt, 'ow much is that kit by there on that computer?"

It was something like £60.

"Ahh tidy son, now listen, will'ew buy that for me and have it delivered here and then what I'll do is come back to this window and pay you for it is it, tidy?"

This fucking tramp was using my window as a business opportunity.

I was terrified by this point. I agreed and mumbled some computer jargon to confuse the tramp. I then proceeded to pretend to order the kit and tell him the estimated delivery time would be about two months.

"Two fucking months? Duw, I thought the fucking internet was fucking quicker than that! Hahaha!"

And then, just like that, he swooped backwards out of my window and was gone. I shut that window with so much fucking force that I'm surprised I didn't trap my now-utterly limp cock in it. I locked the window and the front door. I didn't sleep much that night. I left the house soon after.




I visited the house recently since the story above took place about three years ago now. The (my) front room's window had been smashed in, and the room had been gutted by someone, leaving only rotted cardboard boxes and my old mattress on the floor. I hope I never bump into that hard tattoo-wearing tramp. He'll probably kill me.
(Hernandez Fiendish probably won't be here until at least, say, Tue 7 Jul 2009, 13:35, Reply)