Similar to Maladicta's post about blinds...
Back in September 2007 I moved into a house with a couple of mates from uni. Me being a man, and the two of them being female meant I got the downstairs bedroom in case we got burgled. I was still going out with my mad sex maniac girlfriend at this point, and life was good, given that I was back at uni. My room was fairly big, with only two problems.

One being that the windows were covered by really crappy wooden blinds, and the second being that because my room was so big (think converted living room), there was an area that I had essentially stashed all my bags and general carrying gear and then neglected, leaving it to become a spider-infested hellhole. This is not part of the story, but I just like to tell people I lived with a small colony of spiders at one point in my arachnophobic life.

Fast forward to about December 2007, and it's coming up to the time where everyone is getting into the Christmas spirit and everything festive. I had been festive as well, putting Christmas lights up and everything in my room and in the hallway, and was probably the most festive out of my household. My girlfriend was also coming over on the first weekend of December, so I was fairly happy at that point, probably because I was ignoring all the problems in the relationship.

Anyway, the missus comes over, and we trudge back from the train station together, with me teasing her constantly on the way back. Thus by the time we get back to my place, she is randy and ready to jump me, and probably would have done if we had found a secluded alleyway. We get down to sticky business, me shagging her over the desk, when we hear this almighty thumping on the window and a mixture of laughter, jeering and general hooting coming from outside. And mine and B's names being called.

Instantly the meltyman strikes, as I now recognize the voices as the rest of my uni friends who have come over for a night out on the tiles with my other housemates. Deflated, I tug on some boxers and jeans and answer the door.

"Alright Ghost, that was a fucking great performance man!"

One of my mates slurs. I can now smell the alcohol they've been drinking.

"What the fuck do you mean?"

I testily replied, as I was stood in a freezing cold hallway, barefoot on tiles (classy students we were), topless, with the crisp December air chilling my body further. About 7 of my mates wander inside but the 8th hangs around to talk to me.

"You and B, at it, on the desk, like rabbits."

My mate slurs, thrusting his hips in time to every word.

"You saw everything? It's those fucking lights, I'm gonna take them down."

I shouted, at this point slightly shocked and amused, and still fucking cold.

"Don't bother man, it's the blinds that do it, not the fucking Christmas lights."

My mate grins, and I hear a sudden slam and click. From my bedroom door being closed and locked by my darling girlfriend. I try banging on the door and the only response I get from her is a short, clipped shout of "CUNT! FUCK OFF!"

"Still, she does have a cracking arse she does."

My mate mused at this point. Apparently loud enough for B to hear and start swearing again. I also go paler than normal as I remember something.

I would like to take this time to point out one additional detail that I have carefully neglected to tell. As my bedroom is at the front of the house, and we used to live in a fairly good place, i.e. there were proper families there and not just students, all the schoolkids in the mornings used to go past my house.

So, essentially, every time I had my girlfriend over during September 2007 to December 2007 and had the wonderful sexytiem in the morning during the school run, I was inadvertently shagging in front of an audience of a lot of small children. I love morning sex a lot. This was what I had just remembered.

Length? Not allowed to play with it any more unless we were safely bundled away from the prying eyes of schoolkids and other friends. Also quite small due to coldness.
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Thu 28 May 2009, 19:22, 1 reply)

Extra points
For the use of "meltyman" in the story
(Khalek finally logged in again on, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 11:23, closed)