The wittiest response
Unlike my previous post, I think this one is on-topic due to presence of unexpected todger.

There are times when one comes away from an awkward situation or an altercation and thinks, half an hour after the event, "Damn, I should have said that," where "that" is the supremely witty retort that would stop the other person in their tracks and allow you to turn coolly on your heel and walk away with all the dignity. (In my case, "that" usually amounts to "you...horse's arse!")

Years ago, I was told this story by a teacher who thought that, in this situation, he had managed to say "that" and walk off with his dignity intact.

He was in Germany, and in some place - a bar, I presume - using the toilets. It was one of those long trough urinals, where everyone pisses into the same pot, eyes focussed with a death grip on the wall in front, lest anyone else's manhandle should stray into one's peripheral vision.

He had the trough to himself, until this large German chap came in, stood quite close to him, and took a whizz. This German then cupped his knobbly nunchuk and dangly meat-beads and turned to face said teacher.

Confused - briefly stumped - said teacher looked down at the surprise package pointing at him. He put his own away, and in the calmest possible manner, said,

"Yes, and...?"

Then walked away, leaving the German with nothing but his crankshaft in his hands, and eternally grateful that the German hadn't immediately replied with, "Vell, look vat is in mine hands."
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 29 May 2009, 14:17, Reply)