Bikini fail
Long story hacked, I ended up on a beach in Rhode Island on a day nobody else in America felt much like it. Apart from me and my friend, the only others out were parents walking their kids who presumably were going stir crazy from all-channel-24-hr-coverage.

Now, I didn't used to wear bikinis (self concious about a scar, over it now), but as I didn't have a swimming costume, my friend lent me her bikini. I was a 6-8. She was a size 12. Things could have been... snugger.

I love the sea. I will jump in it whenever possible, even though I have a genuine phobia of putting my head under water. So after sitting on the golden sand reading for much too long, and watching the tempting blue of the Atlantic swell continuously, I figured I would be bitter if I didn't have a swim. I told my mate, and after a cautious couple of minutes burying the flat key, we went in.

We pissed about for a good half hour, and it was brilliant. It was actually warm, and the swells were light, and I forgot all about the head-under-the-water issue.

Until a freak one smacked me in the face.

It took me a good few seconds of 'breathe, relax, you lived' before I realised I was a little bit colder, and my friend was laughing just a little bit harder.

Floating about 5ft from me was my bikini top.
10ft away were the bottoms.

Fortunately, my friend grabbed the furthest, I the nearest, but in the haste to get me decent in shallower water where I could get stuff on feet-on-sand, we'd forgotten about that gentle swell that first beckoned us in. Which, on every low wave, revealed to those lovely families a naked english bird in the shallows, flashing her tits and other lady delicates, struggling with damp swimwear three sizes too big. I swear, it was like that school swimming pyjama test.

The dads didn't seem to mind.
(niceandwarmandhot vive la résistance, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 0:44, 1 reply)

Its people like you
who make going to the seaside such an enjoyable experience for people like me, who'd rather not be there at all. Well done and keep on getting those norks out for the benefit of humankind.

Great post, cheers.
( SpankyHanky, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 16:03, closed)