I have a 6 month old boy.
In March this year, my wife, child, and her family decided to go up town for my wife's birthday. A nice meal and lashings of Sun -lik was had in Ping-Pong, the london eye was ridden, and I was constantly checking my phone for football updates, and Neil Harris scored a hat trick for Millwall against Hartlepool, coming back from 2 - 0 down.

A nice time was being had by all.

Then we decided to go for a drink before going home. We ended up in some stange building nearby which had a theatre in it. It was like a conference centre, but had a bar in it so all was well.

My son needed changing, so being a modern male I decided to go and change him. I slung my wifes garish changing bag onto my shoulder, picked up my son and off we went to the get his arse changed.

I found a baby changing room, opened the door, and in we went.

Only to be greeted with the sight of a big fat greasy pig of a woman woman sitting on the toilet in the corner, pulling a blood soaked cunt mouse out of her hairy clopper.

"Jesus fucking Christ, sorry!" I think I said, as my body recoiled. The roly poly chair breaker noticed me at that moment and started jabbering on in some pissed off johnny foreigner language. Of course, I had already about turned and was making for the door - no doubt giving my son a good eyeful of the irate fat fuck with her gigantic trollies around her pale swollen ankles as we exited the room.

Ordinarily I would have buggered off and found somewhere else, but this place was like a maze, and my lad needed changing. I couldn't be arsed to try and find another, and besides, what was that salad dodging flabmeister doing in there anyway? She should have gone to the ladies, which I guess was a bit too far for her waddle to.

So I waited outside for fatty boom boom to finish plugging her unkempt fadge, trying to come to terms with what I had just witnessed. She came out, clocked me and started going off on one again in German or Polish or whatever.

"You shouldn't have been in there anyway, its for baby changing" I informed her.

She looked at me blankly, so I pointed to the sign on the door. She looked at it, tutted, and waddled off.

Try as I might, I can't get the image out of my head, and my brain seems to load it up at the most inconvenient moments.

The horror. The horror.
(Spaff_Quaffer Wise fwom your gwave., Wed 3 Jun 2009, 11:31, 9 replies)

Horrific, truly horrific.
I think this deserves a click, partly for sympathy, and partly for creating the most horrible mental image I've had all morning.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 11:52, closed)

Oh Christ
You've just put me off my lunch.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 3 Jun 2009, 12:20, closed)

I was mid bite...
When I got to "blood soaked cunt mouse out of her hairy clopper."

Ive got ham and tomatoe sandwiches...

*Bleugh*


And *click*
(Is this a good idea? ... Yes this is definitely a good idea, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:40, closed)

Luckily I'd already had me sandwich
And it has gone down far enough.
Clicky for that phrase though. Even though it hurts my eyes.
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:52, closed)

Eww!
You have to get a click for enduring that, though it feels as pathetic as giving someone a click for having taken part in the Dunkirk landings...
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:56, closed)

Menstruation
it scares men
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:16, closed)

It must scare girls
the first time blood starts seeping out of their batcave...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:20, closed)

Nah,
usually they're well prepared.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:24, closed)

Fair enough
Obviously we didn't get to sit on the girls' part of Sex Education at school, so I just had to learn it from the opening scene of Carrie...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:31, closed)