I’m just grateful it wasn’t Captain Placid*…

Many moons ago, a mate of mine called Lee and I worked a temping job, joining the throngs of mongs at the Argos warehouse in Lutterworth. This place was a dusty, dirty doghole of a place, so unsurprisingly we were always dressed in our crappiest, ragged clothing.

In the middle of one particularly arduous shift on a steaming hot day, we heard the buzzer and shuffled off like mindless spakkersheep into the break area. The room was quite small, and before long there was about 20 of us packed in. Lee made straight for one of the chairs, and tried to disguise the fact that he had done fuck all that day by plunging down with a loud ‘sigh’.

Just as in any normal break, some people lit up cigarettes, some nommed on a snack, but all chatted inanely to each other; before long the room was filled with the droning din of multiple people trying to talk over each other with their own pointless drivel.

I was sat across the room from Lee, who was almost shouting to be heard. Then, in an effort to gain more comfort from the crap plastic seats, he leaned back, raised his legs and placed them wide apart on the coffee table in front of him, before continuing his conversation to anybody who was listening.

Now, I can’t remember what had distracted me from noticing immediately – perhaps I’m just a bit slow – but I merrily continued in the conversation before I gradually realised that the room was getting quieter and quieter. As I looked around I noticed an almost ‘Mexican wave’ of silence forming, as one person after another suddenly stopped what they were doing, shut the fuck up, and gawped awkwardly in Lee’s direction.

Again, being slow I was the last to notice this, and carried on chuntering until Lee and I were the last two people speaking. As the penny finally began to drop I glanced over and saw that every pair of eyes was transfixed on Lee’s crotch...struck dumb by jaw-dropping horror. This, of course, sparked my curiosity and so I made a tentative (and forever regretted) look downward to the object of everybody’s stupefied stares…

And there it was. Lee had split his jeans. Quite a large split in fact…and coupled with his (now obvious) choice of ‘going commando’, this meant that all our eyes were forced to feast on the sight of one single, bright red, sizable, rotund, incredibly hairy bollock that had ‘plopped’ out from the the sanctity of his sweaty arse swamp area, and was now breathing in the afternoon air, untethered by it’s previous denim prison.

Lee remained totally oblivious to this turn of events, as everyone was slowly rendered speechless by this proud but unwitting display of unshackled gonad glory.


Strangely though - nobody mentioned it to him…but there was quite a crowd for the next break.



*If the size of Captain Placid’s trouser bulge is anything to go by, his two veg are so massively weighty and capacious that they look as if they are constantly ready to be loaded into a cannon and fired at some medieval castle. Not only that, but he tells me that he shaves them too(!)….and I’m sorry, but there just isn’t enough mindbleach in the world to help me if I saw those glistening bad boys up close *bokes*.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 12:09, 3 replies)

I know a bloke
who, judging by what one can see in his trousers, must have testicles like tennis balls. I don't really want to think of what they look like in the flesh.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 12:19, closed)

I shave mine too...
...because as the current BF puts it, 'Who wants to go down on a gonk?' :)
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 12:29, closed)

Me too...
...someone told me it adds an inch. Roll on the day we go metric...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Thu 4 Jun 2009, 12:36, closed)