Unsolv...errrrr...Unexplained Murder
When I was a teenager, I babysat a young and very disturbed boy. I thought he was just a weird kid – they do exist, it's like they come out thinking in hexidecimal – and sated him by constantly playing Ninja Turtles and feeding him Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. We became good buddies, even thought he could only communicate through cryptic sentences and bleeps.

“[Forgotten name] did it. *blip*”
“[Forgotten name] did what?”
“Yeah, he killed her. HE KILLED HER LIKE THIS!! WEEEEEEEUGHARGH!!*swings bat around*”

Yeah, ok, whatever, you freaky kid.

“Yeah, [forgotten name] came in with bats and nun chucks and was all, ‘BAM BAM BAM’ *BLEEEEP*”

Stop watching so much Ninja Turtles, you little mentalist.

“He stuck his pee-pee in her when she was bloody. *BLIP BLEEP*”

Yes, riiiiight, that might be overstepping the boy / babysitter mark. This boy’s going to grow up to be pudding.

Years later, I was watching a television programme about really evil people and the bad crimes they get up to. There was a case where an amputee grandmother was beaten to death then posthumously raped while her grandson slept in bed next to her. Yes, where I am leading is bloody obvious – the weird kid I babysat was the grandson.

What is so unexplained about this (see how I crowbarred that in? I am so awesome and not at all obvious.) was that this murder was unsolved. The perpetrator didn’t leave a single fingerprint or DNA sample and the grandson, they said, must have remained asleep while it happened, as he was unable to supply any information. Years later, after this programme has been broadcast, the police force were still labouring under the impression that he didn’t see a thing.

All that weird shit he said to me? He told me exactly who the murderer was (and that he knew him), he told me what he looked like, he told me exactly what happened. Only I thought he was a bit crazy, so I ignored him and forgot everything. He knows everything, and had I given him the respect he should have gotten, a murderer would be behind bars.

The murder remains unsolved. He’s never once spoken about it, it seems, to anybody but me.

The boy is probably not pudding, but one fucked up adult. I, for one, wish I’d have given him a bit more time, energy and patience.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 12:59, 4 replies)

So...
what's stopping you from telling the old bill now? Come to think of it, bloody odd that you weren't aware of the weird kid's background in the first place?

Unless, of course, this is all internet porkies...
(JohabMorelli is spenging merrily away, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 13:04, closed)

Everybody's bloody obsessed with internet porkies
I did ring the old bill and tell them that Michael knew everything and that he should be questioned further.

I have been looking for the details of the murder online, but in an American city now known for murdering lots of people, eventually it all becomes anonymous.

They should have told me, yes. My friend - his previous babysitter - was not made aware, either.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 13:15, closed)

Well
if one night you hear a clumping and dragging sound across your floorboards, it might be the jizz-soaked shade of the grandmother hauling herself on raw stumps to ask why the fuck you haven't helped apprehend the killer after little mentalist gave you all the relevant details.

Or maybe the little mentalist is now a big mentalist, Michael Myers-style, and will be breaking out of a loony-bin for a copycat necro-orgy with his favourite babysitter any October soon. After he's hacked your limbs off first, of course.

Don't have nightmares!!
(Rsoles, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 19:56, closed)

@Rsoles
I'd rather he be reinvented as a C.H.U.D., bent on eating my bum through the toilets of NYC. A C.H.U.D. with a passport, mind, because I now live a continent away.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 20:00, closed)