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This is a question Utterly Drunk

Now is your chance to warn others of the dangers of drinking to excess. On the other hand, what hilarious japes did you get up to while shitfaced?

Thanks to Battered for the suggestion

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 11:55)
Pages: Popular, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

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Three fellowes wenten into a pubbe,
And gleefullye their handes did rubbe
In expectatione of revelrie
For 'twas the houre known as happye

Greate botelles of wine did they quaffe
And hadde a reallye good laffe
'Til drunkennesse held full dominione
For 'twas two for the price of one

Yet after wine and meade and sack
Man must have a massive snack
Pies and pasties from Cornwalle!
Scottishe egges, round like a balle!

Great hammes, quaile, ducke and geese!
They suck'd the bones and drank the grease!
One fellowe stood all pale and wan
For he was vegetarianne

Yet man knoweth that gluttonie
Stoketh the fyre of lecherie
Upon three young wenches round and slye
The fellowes cast a wanton eye

One did approach, with drunkene winke
"'Ello darlin', d’you fancy a drink?"
Soon they caught them on their knee,
'Twas like some grotesque puppettrie!

Such was the lewdness and debaucherie
'Twas like a sketch by Dick Emery!
Except that Dick Emery is not yet born
So such comparisonne may not be drawn

But then the fellowes began to pale
For quail are not the friende of ale
And in their bellyes much confusione!
From their throats vile extrusione!

Stinking foule corruptionne!
Came spewinge forth from droolinge lippes
The fetide stenche did fille the pubbe
'Twas the very arse of Beelzebubbe!

Thrown they were, from the Horne And Trumpette
In the street, no coyne, no strumpet
Homeward bounde, must quicklie go
To that ende - a donkey stole

Their handes all with vomit greased
The donkey was not pleased
And threw them into a ditche of shite
They all agreed: “What a brilliant night!”

[Copyright Bill Bailey]
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 20:49, 2 replies)

(, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 9:46, closed)
I'm lovin' it
Genius! The ghost of Geoffrey Chaucer!
(, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 20:51, closed)

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Pages: Popular, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1