Roasted Pea
One awful morning after consuming 18 pints of delicious Guinness, I was lying in bed with my then girlfriend, idly stroking the rigid, diabolcal quiver of my member.

She soon got out of bed and went to the bathroom, and I seized the moment of solitude to rid myself of the titanic fart i could feel brewing in my guts. I arched my back, squeezed, and immediately recoiled in horror as 18 pints of dark black liquid faeces erupted from my poor unsuspecting sphincter all over my thighs and bedsheets.

Quickly jumping out of bed, tearing up the richly stained sheets and wiping myself 'clean', I just managed to ball up the evidence and pull the duvet over the bare mattress before she came back in the room. I stuffed the Guinnessy shit-sheets behind an amplifier and showered away the shame.

Anyway....we had to go somewhere pretty smartish so thought I would take care of the accidental dirty protest when we got back.

Upon our return however, We were greeted by the sight of my dear old mum clutching a bucket full of cleaning products, with tears in her eyes.

"We have to talk..." she said



I assure you, Vanish Stain Sticks do NOT work.
(wrigglesworth, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 11:32, 13 replies)

Yeah, we've all seen Trainspotting.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 15 Feb 2013, 11:46, closed)

Apart from you

(wrigglesworth, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 12:18, closed)

And Vaggy going by your logic.
And by 'logic' I do of course mean 'lies on the internet'.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 15 Feb 2013, 12:38, closed)

You
Twat
(wrigglesworth, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 12:57, closed)

I think the poster's probably watched Trainspotting, and, having viewed that scene, fancied telling the same tale, making themselves the star of it.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 12:59, closed)

I think this too Vaggy.
I seem to remember him or someone else doing this or a VERY similar story before and then getting so UPSET ONLINE when people pointed out that they were aware of the film based on the novel that he deleted the entire thread in a FLOUNCE.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:02, closed)

Nice try...
Like a couple of menks on this board could actually make me flounce off by trolling me for not shitting my own bed.
(wrigglesworth, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:17, closed)

It worked quick enough last time.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:27, closed)

sure
thats why the thread is still on my profile you abortion.
(wrigglesworth, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:39, closed)

OoOooOoOoOOh
someone's touchy this afternoon.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:50, closed)

the bloke from trainspotting?
or me? I always get them confused...
(wrigglesworth, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:55, closed)

That's that lol scene in Trainspotting lol

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 12:23, closed)

You got me...
Caught out not pooing the bed, I mean, as if!
(wrigglesworth, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 12:41, closed)