Giant Mushroom
Some years ago, as a teenager, I wore a brace. A massive train-track one across my top row of teeth. Once in a while this had to be tightened which shifted all of my teeth around and took a few days to calm down. Whilst my teeth were being pulled around I had to be careful when eating as chewing and biting were out of the question. I had to put small pieces of food in my mouth and just push them around until I could swallow them.

Lovely.

So, it's Saturday afternoon and I'm at a family do having had the brace tightened on the Friday before. My great Aunt has made these giant stuffed mushrooms where you take the 'cap' of the mushroom and put a big dollop of spicy/herby stuff on the top. 'Hmmmm', I thought, 'I'll have one of them'. As I bit into the mushroom I realised it was a bit tough to just rip a piece off. As I was surrounded by elderly relatives and 'on best behaviour' I had no choice other than to force the whole thing into my gob and do a cartoon-style-swallow where you could probably see the mushroom force its way down my throat. Wash down with wine - all OK.

Come the evening and I'm half cut and off to my mate's house for a party. The usual part comes here, beer, cider, spirits, beer etc. etc.

Suddenly, I start to choke and gag, I'm turning red, then purple, then blue. Everybody gathers round to see if I die. Then, with a massive 'Hurrrgh' the still whole mushroom shoots out of my mouth and across the patio followed by a trail of beery mess and assorted choice chunks from the day's buffet.

Lovely.
(castro, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 16:12, Reply)