New Years Party
Only a few days before new years eve, it was decided that a housewarming party, where two quasi-friends had, after being annoying to each other, decided to annoy each other in the same household.
But hurrah for the festive season, everyone turned up for the pre-new years eve's eve party.

The night started to go badly when I realised I had forgotten my lighter, so, chatting away in the kitchen and drinking, I turned the electric cooker on to light my cigarettes(hold cigarette in mouth, attach to hob, breathe in until it lights and before your face starts to go crispy).

Many many reefs later(on special offer), I find that the quasi-friends girlfriend is being remarkably friendly and we both start searching the house in vain for a private place(in the middle of a party, yeah right).
We finally find the alley outside, and since its the one deserted place, myself and blokes girlfriend get very friendly. Its around the time with pants around my ankles, and both our hands getting very intimate, that my stomach decides that its had quite enough of that. In my drunken state thou, the last thing I wanted to do is leave whilst there is a hand being so friendly to my parts. So I hold it in.... for about 5 seconds..... I survive the first onslaught in my mouth.... now full..... but the second onslaught was not. very. far. behind.

Shall we jump forward 10 seconds to avoid the gory details. But aforesaid quasi-friends girlfriends cleavage is making a rather interesting vom holder. All the way to the top and quivering, with the rest in a pretty orange and red waterfall dripping down....

This is the point her boyfriend comes outside to find us. Me with my pants round my ankles, and his girlfriend semi-naked with puke dripping out of her bra and down her front.

Quickly getting my pants up, I escape in his confusion before he makes the obvious "lets be violent" change of mind.

Did you remember the cooker?

You know.....
The one I'd been lighting my cigarettes on?

In my escape, the final flurry of puke projected itself over the cooker, and proceeded to turn into puke omelette.... stinking out the whole house.... as I carry myself, and some of the witnesses to the ordeal leg it laughing.
.........

The weirdest part of this story, in the pub the next day recovering, quasi-friend.... a devout christian(no sex till marriage devout... which possibly explains the actions of athiest girlfriend)..... wanders over, quite cheerfully, forgives me, AND Buys Me A Drink.

Apparantly after the initial confusion and argument, it occurred to him it was actually highly amusing, and maybe gods way of telling his girlfriend not to be such a cheating bint.

All in All.. it worked out quite well.

Apologies for the length of this.... its hard to be concise about this.
(NoMoreFaith can believe its not bloody butter, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 18:21, Reply)