Chocolate Crapper
So Twix/Mars/Topic wrappers started turning up in the toilet cubicles at work, notmally left on the pan just behind the seat hinges. Who would be gross enough to eat chocolate and shit at the same time?

Enquiries revealed that a well-known fat bastard and chocoholic (let's call him James because that is his name), with whom I had previously worked, had got a job down the corridor. James was obviously ashamed of his habit because, a few years previously when we worked in an office 3 minutes' walk from the onsite shop, he used to eat the chocolate before he got back to his desk - if you passed him in the corridor he sort of shrank against the wall and tried not to make eye contact, while chewing furiously.

A casual stakeout failed to catch James in the act of leaving a wrapper-festooned trap but fate intervened. James, and most of his colleagues, were sadly made redundant. On the day they left or were given gardening leave, the chocolate wrappers stopped appearing.

A year later James was seen in the building, having returned for a couple of weeks as a contractor. And so did Mr Twix and Mr Topic. Elementary, my Dr.Crapper.
(rogerzilla, Sat 15 Oct 2011, 8:59, 2 replies)

Sure he wasn't earning his "chocolate wings"?

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 15 Oct 2011, 10:52, closed)

I find the little stickers that go on apples and oranges
plastered all over the walls in the crapper at my local pub. That must mean some dirty bastard is peeling and eating fruit while pooing.
Gross and wierd.
(technocore, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 6:47, closed)