delusions of ability to teach
Howard and Leather - porcine deputy head and vulpine head often caught coming out of the same stock cupboard looking mighty dishevelled...she used to go missing from our classroom for hours at a time on mysterious errands that even as primary school kids we knew were a crap pretext for a (lengthy) fumble...they were eventually rumbled one parents evening and she left shortly afterwards

Lund - emotionally unstable chemistry teacher, shouts "it's going to be like that football disaster in Sheffield" to control a rowdy queue for the canteen, dissolves into customary tears and is led away to the staff room. Basic grasp of periodic table rumbled when she asserted Ag meant Argon

Granny Gravett (at least 103 when she retired) - once stopped my mate from getting top marks in an essay because "he's had too many marks already". Controlled problem kids with a well aimed slap to the head

Hebson (aka the penguin) - turned his car engine off to coast into school to save petrol

Zeibicki - crazy name, crazy guy. Robust head of (possibly permed) curls that wouldn't look out of place on Noddy Holder and full face/throat beard. Penchant for leather - waistcoats, trousers, cowboy boots. Once screamed when a lad hid in a cupboard and jumped out at him having discovered 'nookii - the board game for adults' at the back of it
(liberace's boudoir, Wed 9 Nov 2005, 15:45, Reply)