Mrs. Creek May Very Well Be Looking At You.
Around 15 years old a new economics teacher joined our school called Mrs. Creek. She was a truly lovely lady with only a couple of tiny flaws. First off she was the most cross-eyed person I have ever seen. I'm not kidding, it was like she was having a staring competition against herself and the bridge of her nose was trying desperately to break it up.

It turns out that the old joke about the cross-eyed teacher not being able to control her own pupils is very true. One girl in particular, was getting progressively worse and worse. Finally, Mrs. Creek snapped and turned round, smouldering with furious anger. For a moment both of her wayward pupils swivelled in the right direction and both of them fell upon.....me.

I damn near shit myself under that gaze. And with it still burning into me she shouted "Marie for once in your life act like a lady and not like a lout!"

My jaw dropped open, everyone around me stifled their giggles, looking from me (six foot odd and built like a brick shithouse) to Marie over the other side of the room and finally back to the still staring teacher. For the next two years I was being constantly called Marie by my so called mates and was frequently reminded to start acting like a lady.

Her other minor flaw was her inability to face the right way. Top tip for budding teachers out there: if you're going to bend over to look at someone's work, do it when standing in front of them. If you do it standing behind or to the side then when you bend over you point your backside into the faces of those sitting in the next row back. Very important. If you fail to heed this advice then one of two things may happen (other than the obligatory farting noises every time you do it, of course).

Firstly, I may try and throw an empty tic-tac box at the class retard. It may arc gracefully during flight, spang off his desk and ricochet right up your arse. You are then forced to turn round and give the class retard an almost pitying look of grim acceptance.

Secondly, a witty friend of mine may tentatively reach out and make groping gestures just behind your unprotected bottom whilst quietly mouthing 'ooh' and 'ahh'. This second one becomes a lot worse if another mate grabs his arm and forcefully thrusts it foward so that he essentially gives the teacher a damn good fisting.

Sorry for the fisting Mrs. Creek, but for gods sake, two seconds is a long time to be known as Marie, nevermind two bloody years.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Wed 9 Nov 2005, 19:41, Reply)