I have been waiting a while for a question like this!
We had a music teacher called Mr. Carmen (who was appropriately called "Tootin' Carmen"). He was outrageously tall (around the 7 foot mark), and a bit of a twat. Anyway, after my first year at high school, he was absent with some illness. Thing is, we hardly saw him ever again, and yet he stayed on the pay roll at the school. The reason? They couldn't legally sack him if he turned up for at least one day per year, and he used this fact to his advantage. Work shy twunt.

Then there was Mr. Mort, mentioned in the stupid names qotw for being called Mr. Dead. He was a substitute teacher in our science classes, and he was outrageously old. And Welsh. He looked like a Welsh zombie. He always used to shout stupid things like "Stop talking, it's my voice now"! We asked him what his name was. The answer? "Sir to you". In a stupid fucking Welsh accent.

There was also Mr. Melia, our substitute Chemistry teacher, who was outrageously pervy. He used to work at an all-girls school, and he deemed it appropriate to tell us how good all the young girls looked in their short skirts during the summer. He didn't last very long.

Then there was the large number of teachers that had it in for me specifically, the main one of which was Mr. Haywood, who was outrageously... well, average, really. You see, at school I was a little (read big) bit (read huge fucking dock off bit) mischievous. However, I am also very, very intelligent, meaning that this fella always singled me out from the rest of the class. He actually made me stand up and dance because I couldn't remember a formula. I was also being a mischievous little prick, no doubt punching my mate and shouting "You're a complete bastard, Graeme!", but that's besides the point. He gave me a predicted grade of a D. I got a B. That showed him.
(Keiths Dad, Thu 10 Nov 2005, 11:35, Reply)