Mr Bennet, (also known as Winnit): Chemistry...
Holy shit.. where do I start with this guy?

I think I'll just cover one of his greatest achievments.

Winnit was a teacher who aspired to being a priest. He was however the most kak-handed and un-coordinated person to have walked this earth: proof, if you will, that his God had a sense of humour.

Firstly, you have to appreciate the surroundings. Sedbergh School, founded in 1525, is a school set in cumbria on the foothills of the lake district. Long halls, polished and worn wooden floors, building s hewn from stone blocks, high ceilings, sash-windows that rattled in the wind, wooden beams and wooden benches. This place is archaic, and Winnit had been there since the dawn of time.

His way of walking was stiff, his way of talking was a monotonous and nasal drone.

As required of all teachers at all-male boarding schools, he wore a tweed jacket with leather patches at the elbows. His jacket however was 10% tweed, and 90% patch. The reasons for this lay within bunsen burners, and hydrochloric acid.

This was a guy who'd balance bunsen burners precariously in order to get them closer to the fractionating columns (for example), and who's instinct to catch falling objects was never over-ridden by the clear knowledge that the objects where spewing a blue flame...

The science labs, had BIG mahogany bences, and the teacher's desk had a glass splash-shield attatched to ensure that none of us fell foul of flying acid or bunsen burners, and a deep sink in the middle... The students were sat around in church-like pews....

On the day in question, Winnit was demonstrating the more exciting substances that we had in store.

Sodium: kept under oil to keep it away from water, and Phosphorous: kept under water to keep it away from the air....

two jars.. two VERY different jars.

Winnit stabs a bit of sodium with a scalpel and shows it to us... and then opens up the jar, and drops it back in.

Wrong Jar.

Sodium reacts violently with water in an exothermic reaction that creates hydrogen. If you drop a lump of sodium into a swimming pol, it will actually wizz around on the surface of the water, and eventually explode with a bang.

If on the other hand you're suffiently stupid to drop it into a glas jar with water in it...

Winnit temporarily lost his cool, and knocked the jars into the sink: Water will kill fire.
yes, but sodium jar, smashed into a sink with extra water added for fun = BANG.

winnit stood there staring blankly at the mess, and in his standard drone with no hint of emotion or panic, said, slowly, calmly and clearly.... "Everybody get down: there's going to be an explosion". He then promptly dissapeared under his mahogany desk.

we stared at each other, and followed suit.

rumble rumble, and then pain. our eardrums hurt.

Over the ringing in our ears, we heard Winnit say "you can get up now, but look out for the bits of glass"

Utter carnage. no glass in the shields around his desk, but plenty in the fronts of ours and the surrounding area.


..... just another lesson with Winnit.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Thu 10 Nov 2005, 11:59, Reply)