See if you recognise these schools...
MIDDLE SCHOOL

Mr H*****d (P.E) used to wear an enormous piece of wood with a hole in it on a bit of leather around his neck, and had one of those long beards that looked as if he’d glued it to the very bottom of his chin. No other facial hair. The girls were afraid of him.
Mr H***h (my form-tutor) used to have a legendary set of nicknames for every individual in every class. Some were really good too.
Mrs M****y (Music) was a sweet old Welsh lady who was usually arseholed by late afternoon.

SECONDARY SCHOOL

Mr B********w (History) used to have a blackboard in his classroom with a whiteboard held up above it at a right angle by some rope and pullies. This was for films & slides to be projected onto. Every week we would throw various waste up onto the whiteboard (half empty yoghurt pots, sods of earth, unwanted sandwiches, etc). Without fail, every time he required the use of the whiteboard he would lower it down and get covered in all the stuff we’d lobbed up there. Without fail he would go crimson and march out of the room, only to return with Mr Smith the maths teacher, who was sufficiently strict to give us a bollocking.
Mr B*****y (Art and Design) was a pretty cool, skinny, long haired cockney who would from time to time lose the plot and threaten to “punch holes through” our heads.
Mrs W*******s (English & Drama) was lovely. She used to go bra-less and wear baggy grey V-necked jumpers. I reckon she loved it as much as we did when she bent over the desks to help us. I still have a crush on her.
Mr P***y (Maths) was a Geordie who used to say “easy peasy chocolate squeezy” and “two turds” when explaining fractions. He was also a big fan of painfully jabbing us in the chest during a bollocking.
Mr H**f (Metalwork) used to offer us “slipper or essay” when we’d done something that deserved punishment. The “slipper” was in fact the sole of a plimsol, and was administered to the backside whilst one was standing on two painted footprints. No-one ever chose the essay. That would have made you a poof. He was also a Jehovah’s Witness so we’d send him Christmas cards every year for a laugh.
Miss A*****d (Physics) Used to boast about the fact that when she was at school herself she’d put aspirin into Coca Cola and get really high. According to her the formula of Coca Cola at the time allowed for this. She was into all the coolest music too.

SIXTH FORM

Mr M****r (Art) Legend, this one. 5 foot high crew-cutted brummie who used to swear like a trooper. Those of us who were doing ‘A’ level art often spent free periods catching up on work in his classroom whilst he was taking a class of 13 year olds. Often he would shout things at them such as “Mr Smith, you are using a paint roller, not masturbating a fucking camel”. Loved him.
Mr J*****n (Deputy Head). Complete cunt. Used to stare at your bollocks when, for whatever reason, you were sitting in his office.

There are many others.

Hello SquidInk and Andysith. I have a funny feeling you two were at my last school…..
( BobbyParadise, Mon 14 Nov 2005, 16:52, Reply)