South London Independent All-Girls School...
So yes, a high proportion of grade-A mentalists.

Every month, the teachers would have to give an assembly. Clearly none of us ever listened, until the day Mr. S, one of the maths teachers, walked onto the stage with a massive cassette recorder, put it down, pressed play, and walked out of the hall. What followed was a random tape full of conversations with his wife that sounded like they were under water. Cue the head and the deputy head running out of the hall to find him. I think he left shortly afterwards due to his nervous breakdown.

Dr. W, the chemistry and CDT teacher, who according to our English teacher, was prone to spontaneous combustion, which was why, even in deepest winter, all the windows had to be open. Rumour had it the stains on the ceiling were from him exploding. Nearly killed us all once by deciding at the last minute that his demonstration would have been better off in the fume-cupboard, but didn't quite make it in time. Then had to deal with 20-odd girls falling off their stools high off the fumes. Once cut the ties off my science overalls with a pair of tin-cutters because "they looked unsafe". Used to let us burn stuff in the labs as we were "showing an interest in science". Great bloke. Mad as a box of frogs.

Miss. M, English teacher who lived in an attic with no T.V. (clearly odd) but she did have a "wireless". Used to tell us it was rude to sneeze (wtf?). Had a complete nervous breakdown and the head of department told us she'd gone on an extended gambling holiday in Monte Carlo.

Frau. F, the German assistant. Blatant lesbian. Found me sat in reception once waiting for my Mum to pick me up, 'cos I'd had an asthma attack. She dragged me off to the staff dining room to "recuperate" and then insisted I tried her breathing exercises, decided I wasn't doing it correctly, so she stood behind me and put her arms around my waist and squeezed as I breathed in. At this point, the head of German walked in, looked at the pair of us, and just went "Oh, sorry!" and ran out the room as if she'd caught us at it on one of the tables. Once I moved onto A-Level German, I had lessons on my own with her, as there were only 3 of us doing the course. She used to quiz me at length about things like how I'd felt about started my period, and what did I do with my boyfriend, and what were my views on hardcore pornography? Looking back perhaps I should have reported this behaviour.

And finally, Mr. D, the Latin teacher. He wore the same green hairy suit all week, and stank to high heaven. Then someone saw him during the holidays, and he was STILL WEARING THE SUIT. Clearly we'd found the source of the odour. He was also a terrible perv and told us our skirts weren't short enough, and that we all needed a good spanking.

How these people were allowed to teach children is beyond me.
(helpermonkey, Mon 14 Nov 2005, 17:33, Reply)