/lurk
Ginger maths teacher, was new to the job. Poor bugger got lumped with our class for a special set of extra classes at friday lunchtimes. Natch, we did jack all afternoon. To alleviate the boredom, we came up with increasingly inane schemes to provoke his twitchy nerves. Some mates and I sat in the front row and kept moving the tables forward every time he turned. When he only had about a foot of space left to move, he ran into the closet and yelled, "If it’s a fight you want, it’s a fight you'll have". He ran back out and jumped onto his desk, brandishing a rubber rapier and an eye patch. We laughed at him for about ten minutes, then left.

An english teacher we had was most likely a secret gayer, he had every Frank Sinatra bootleg, and made us watch every mel brooks film. He also had a penchant for messing with our heads. One lesson he told us someone had complained about the racist humour in blazing saddles so we couldn’t watch any more mel brooks. Then he watched our boys-school inquisition unfold, until we reached the shocked conclusion that it must have been that freak who sat next to me, and whom we all knew was clearly some kind of child murderer. After half an hour of interrogation our teacher told us he was taking the piss, and started the video of young frankenstein.

One well-known psychotic geography teacher, mr wood, was in the habit of screaming at his class that they were a bunch of reprobates and lowlifes. His magnum opus was a bit of banter about parental professions. A:"My dad's an organic farmer." B:"Haha! What a gayer!" Mr.Wood:"Oh! What does your dad do B? Hmm? Tell me? Oh. I forgot. He's dead." One of those heart-warming moments.

Another eponymous geography teacher, mr shephard, used to keep a crowbar in his desk to threaten the little second years. He also managed to tip over a minibus on the school trip up north to Carbisdale. What a legend.

And a mate in my college just finished up with a tutor who had to leave his old college because of a bit of a scandal. He was in the habit of bedding the local hookers and then reviewing and star rating them on a website. Incidentally, he also used to get into a bit of lecherous mischief with his students.

That’s all the interesting ones, methinks.
Apologies for length, et al.
(PD Jameses, Tue 15 Nov 2005, 11:35, Reply)