willeniums patented guide to shirking
throughout the work day:

1. arrival; don't arrive late! arrive on time but unprepared. for example arrive at 9 but spend the first 10 mins dressing/brushing teeth/sorting trough papers or tools you need to do your job. this is wasting the company's time but makes you look better than the johnny come lately.

2. tea up! no one can work without a cup of tea that's why you should make the entire workplace a cup of tea. having a tea break by your self is the actions of a shirker making everyone a morning cuppa delays work even further plus endears yourself to your boss and workmates at the same time. making a good cup of tea will stop any p45 in its tracks while at the same time prevent your workmates grassing you up when you get caught wanking over scat mpegs when your supposed to be in a meeting.

3. the two objects trick. take two objects (A and B) at opposite ends of your workplace. carrying object A stride purposely towards object B looking so busy (angry as hell) that no one will bother you. when you arrive swap the objects and repeat.

4. smoke breaks! pack in the fags and get on the rollies. not only will you save a shit load of money you shirk more; roll it sloooooooooowly then wander off to the furthest away open space before lighting it.


5. lunch time. if done properly steps one to four should have wasted the entire morning. Never bring your own lunch always go off site and make up an allergy. "sorry I took two hours boss the only place that does gluten free pizza was packed"


6.surviving the afternoon. after lunch your co workers may attempt to shirk too. these ametures may be tempted to do obvious things like hide in the toilets and stationary cupboard. your boss will be on alert for these activity's so be on high alert.

7. act like your working by actually working....on other things. do your taxes/pay your bills/read your mail/ cook for the evening . these all are all made far more fun by doing them on company time by having the added bonus of freeing up valuable weekend time.

8.hide, while your boss chews out the gormless fool who hid in the copy room you will have befriended people from other departments allowing you to hang out in places your boss will never go.

9.leave early. five minutes early will look bad, so leave an hour early. leave your workstation in a mess and tell people your going to get some object that you need to do your job. Sneak out the back to freedom.

general tips.
don't risk getting caught surfing the net on the company computer bring a laptop in and use its wireless connection whilst sttting in a toilet cubicle.

always use a toilet on another floor if possible to maximise time away from work.

b3ta.com

only charge your phone/game boy/pda from work plug sockets

steal like its going out of fashion!

whine whenever someone asks you to do something they wont ask again
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 9 Aug 2007, 19:24, Reply)