straight from the horses mouth
A few years ago I was the manager of a bar in south london and on a quiet tuesday night I started chatting to a leather clad roadie type, mainly to wile away the time (but also to befriend him in case he turned postal). He was very loud and full of it but had some great stories so it was good fun for a normally boring tuesday evening. Anyway he gives me a tip on a horse race the next day. Tells me loads about the history of the horse, the owners, how he knew its mother, its mothers mother etc and that I should put all I could afford on it and I would win big.

The next morning I get to work just before 10am and nip to the bookies. It's closed. I never really gamble or frequent bookmakers so I didn't know they opened at 11. I was eager to get in there asap because, as he put it, 'get in there early because everyone will be betting on it and that will make the odds lower.'

So at 11 instead of opening the bar as I should have, I go down the road and into the bookies. As I walk in to the bookies a guy rushes past me and out of the door. I walk up to the counter and there is no one behind it. I need to get back to the bar to open or the boss, who lives upstairs in the bar, will kill me so I tap the counter and shout 'excuse me!', and from below the counter a hand reaches up, fumbles the telephone off the wall, dials a number and says 'Hello? Police, I've just been robbed'
I rush around the counter and this crumpled distraught girl is lying on the floor so I comfort her until the cops arrive. I tell them I have to go to work to open up and they let me go. About an hour later they come into the bar to take my statement and I give them a description of the guy that had rushed out. They were kind to me because I had foiled the robbery, he had attacked her and it could have been a lot worse. I was a hero.

A few hours later they ring me at work and say they have apprehended a guy that fitted the description and would I come down to the cop shop to identify him. By then I've told everyone how I foiled an armed robbery and that I'm a hero and I'm expecting a call from Esther any time soon.

I get an hour off work to go and be an upstanding citizen and go down to brixton police station. For the first time ever I'm looking at a line-up and trying to identify the robber. I'm being followed up and down the line by the arresting officer, the defendant’s solicitor and an independent witness to ensure I’m not led along. As I look at the people in the line-up I'm sure in my mind it's definitely number 4.
'Number 4' I say
'Are you sure?' says the friendly cop.
'Yes' I say.
'Are you sure?' says the defendants solicitor, 'Are you really really sure?' he says with a twinkle in his eye.
'Yes' I say ' Number 4, without a doubt.'

It wasn't number 4.
I had got it completely wrong. I thought I was good with faces but that caused me to re-think my life-long 'I'm good with faces me' stance. All the coppers thought I was a twat and I was led out of the station as quickly as possible in a ' Thanks, but no-thanks, thanks for coming' kind of way.

I thought that was the end of it and I stopped telling the story because I knew I was a twat for getting it wrong.

That was until three months later and I've got a 'proper' job and I get a summons to go to the crown-court in kingston.
The reason?
I was being called as a witness by the robbers defence as 'Someone who 'didn't' recognise him at the scene of the crime.'
I was a character witness for a criminal.

Embarrassingly I had to explain to my new employers why I was being called-up to get the time off and then I had to spend three days in the waiting room of kingston crown court with the victims of the robber’s previous crimes, trying not to tell them the reason of why I was there.
They never called me to the dock to testify.
It was a complete waste of time.

I still don't know if the horse won.
(twistngo, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 16:06, 2 replies)

nah, its still running mate..
good story.
(TheRiddler Hmmmmm... I concur., Thu 14 Feb 2008, 16:17, closed)

lol
last line made me laugh! completely forgot about the horse!
(boosh, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 16:19, closed)