I start rumours…

Like so many things in life...It began small.

Stuart, the flange-flap from finance pissed me off one day so I spread the word that he had been spotted hanging around the public toilets in the Park at midnight…wearing just a pair of leather trousers with the arse cut out of them.

Everybody believed me…so I took it further…

I told the girls from the canteen that ‘Naughty Natalie’ from Sales sucked me off in the copy room so hard that upon blowing my stack, it was too much for her to swallow in one go and she had no alternative but to gob the remainder out into the toner cartridge…which explained the white streaks down the weekly report.

I have gone to HR and asked for the forms to facilitate my impending transgender operation and my hereafter being referred to as ‘Esmerelda’.

I have emailed the entire company asking them to embrace Scientology into their hearts as I have, and added that if they invest a stake in my timeshare apartment scheme in Slough then they will get a guaranteed place on the spaceship…and a free Flymo.

I have told my assistant that I have access to her psychological profile. (When she insisted she had not filled one out, I said it was a subliminal part of her application form). As a result of this I informed her that It was a categorical fact that she enjoys it up the wrongun’. (She blushed…but then nodded).

As a result of these rumours, I am not taken very seriously at work anymore...but the joke's on them...because the rumours detract from the fact that I am really just a workshy alcoholic.
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Mon 12 Jan 2009, 12:09, 3 replies)

Well done!
:-)
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Mon 12 Jan 2009, 12:23, closed)

You'll get thumped one day,
Or sued.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 12 Jan 2009, 12:41, closed)

*Click*
Well done!
( SpankyHanky, Mon 12 Jan 2009, 12:54, closed)