retail pwnage
many moons ago, i worked for a company, rival to jessops at the time, selling cameras and film and junk.

we were in a small store in a small mall in a shitty town, so there was a LOT of bored time. this is where i met my mate doug.
his introduction was an inspiration to us all. it went thusly.

8:45- pete turns up for work. shutters closed, usual manager off, so i figure replacement is en route.

9:45: pete has now started to feel distinctly annoyed at not hearing a word about what was goign on, still outside a locked shop.

9:55- doug arrives. doesn't have the alarm code, but i do. ok, no matter. man seems a little.. morose? unconcerned about the time? we open

9:56: after a fart that could etch bulletproof glass, in a small space, doug announces that he needs a 'cup of fuckin tea', skins up a comically large spliff on the counter, and fucks off.

10:56: doug returns, stoned as a cunt, and goes to sit in the stockroom and text people. i come in and call him a cunt, tell him i'm off for break. he smiles and offers me a joint as apology. i accept (easily amused, i am)

so eventually, after talking music and chicks and pot, we get on, and as the manager's sickly, (but FIT as hell) he becomes a regular co-conspirator.

i think our finest hour was when we had sepultura blaring out of the stereo in the stockroom, i'm serving, he's sat ON the counter with his back to the customers, swearing like a sailor, and rolling the ubviquitous joint when a little bearded fella i know i've seen but can't quite place where, comes in, makes a furious beeline for the counter, and as he strides in, i glance down to get some change, and there, peering at me from the company newsletter is his face. fucksocks. how we didn't get fired i don't know.

the other prime moment was when one rainy day we 'modified' the barbie the regular manager kept under the desk (i do't know either) with black hair, electrical tape hooker costume, and a cigarette filter in her hand complete with red ink tip, and string, and a speech bubble saying 'not tonight love, i'm on the rag'

that did NOT go donw well with her.
not well AT all.


length? 2 rizlas BARE minimum.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Mon 12 Jan 2009, 14:48, 2 replies)

oh and how could i forget
spending a good hour a day browsing through people's returned holiday snaps, laughin at the odd bit of DIY grot, and discussing the relative merits of people's bikini-clad wife/gf/daughter.
we actually captioned a bit of the homemade grot with funny speech bubbles. oddly enough, one person came back to complain that the photo of them dogging their gf on a boat now had a monocle, a handlebar mustache, and the caption 'able-seaman Bligh! put the camera down and help me get this walrus aboard!' but would not produce said evidence so was dismissed as a nut
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Mon 12 Jan 2009, 15:16, closed)

This..
..made me snigger.
(anvil, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 9:37, closed)