Ian, the office donkey
This is about the pranks we used to do on Ian, for he was the squeezy toy of boredom for which we used to cheer up the workplace.

Back in the old computer shop again and out in the back office there was a shop land line and a fax line setup, which were seperated by about 6 foot of space and a desk partition (which hid the office desk and fax machine out of view). At the end of the day we'd lock up the shop and sort out anything that needs to be done in this office (filing 2nd hand games, sort out the money etc). The manager is at the desk balancing the till and the assistant manager is chatting away to him. Me, Ian and Chris are clearing up the last of the filing when the shop phoneline starts ringing.
Ian picks it up. "Hi you're through to ******, Ian speaking, how can I help?"
"FUCK.............OFF!"
"Hello???!?!??"
The line goes dead, and Ian goes nuts.
"Guys, someone just rung up and told me to fuck off!!!! I'm not having that!" He starts dialling 1471 and listens for the number. Me and Chris glance over to the manager, who has ducked down behind the office partition. He's pissing himself laughing, as the assistant manager places the phone back onto the fax machine.
Ian's still going off on one. "I'm calling the police, that's abuse that is!"
It took us two minutes to stop the daft cunt from calling them.

Another thing we done, which was again invented after a conversation with the assistant manager was a craze which was happening to students on this guy's course at uni. The craze was simply to say one sentence as an answer to anything mentioned by a particular student. But say it in a ridiculous monotone eg "Can I borrow some milk please?" "THE HORSES, THEY RIDE THE WIND!" and use that answer for absolutely everything for as long as possible.
With Ian, we managed the sentence "THE CAT, SAT ON, THE, WALL" for 1 year and 2 months. Halfway through it he started threatening us with violence; we even said it in front of customers when he was after some info for them. Drove him bonkers :)

Ian had a habit of getting Mars bars and leaving them about the workplace before eating them. He was also very defensive of anyone touching his Mars bar, after I "accidentally" picked it up and ate it, then left 40p on the spot where he'd left it. "What, I asked you to pick one up for me from the shop earlier, I thought that was it." We've masking taped it solid to a wall, covered it in black ink, turned them into playdoh.
We locked him in the shop window display and stuck a sign outside saying "Please do not feed the animals", locked him in the work safe (it was a walk-in safe, we didn't stuff him into a box), locked him in the toilet for 1/2 hour, hid gay porn in his locker and got the boss to walk past Ian as he opened it, much to the delight of the rest of the staff as the manager screamed "Oh god, you got a gay cock mag in here!!!!!" (which was heard by every customer in the store at the time). I know we did more, just can't remember the rest thankfully.
We were a right bunch of cunts to him. Errr, soz matey.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 19:17, 1 reply)

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you really are going to hell, jeccy... * click *
(sugar_tits, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 19:57, closed)