Body Builders
Many many years ago I dated a body-builder for a while (yes Clinton Hadfield, I mean you). He was a twunt, and I have no idea why I put up with him for as long as I did.

Being a body-builder, he had an ego the size of a small country. He also had a nasty prediliction for Testos Boost, which is a hormone that has many unfortunate side effects (mood swings, aggression, over-confidence), all of which he suffered from. Including the 3" cock. His sexual technique could at best be described as 'determined', and at worst like being poked repeatedly with a really tiny knitting needle.

He laboured under the illusion that he was somehow a sexual stud of legendary proportions, despite his tiny nob, and because of this subjected me to hours of the dullest oral sex I have ever had the misfortune to recieve. He just assumed that if he licked it up and down (steady rhythm, no variation) I would be this squealing mass of lust. In reality I'd get cold, dry and BORED out of my mind. This is nothing compared to the hours of jack hammer thrusting that would then ensue.

At the begining of our relationship, I was inexperienced. Then I realised that he was just shit, and tried to get him to do something different, but he got offended. I faked orgasm occasionally, just to be polite and then realised that he neither noticed, nor cared whether I came or not. I decided to spend the time doing something useful, like watching TV. This became my undoing...

During a particulary lengthy, dry and occasionally painful session, I started watching Coronation Street. He (as usual) didn't notice, and he eventually finished the job. My mate then called round for a brew, and in the course of the evening, we discussed the important plotlines of Corrie. Turns out that she missed the second half of it and desperately wanted to know what had happened. So I told her. In front of the boyfriend. Who suddenly looked very very VERY pissed off.

Ooops.

I'd like to say that the sex got better after that, but it didn't. He decided that I was frigid, and therefore had a mental problem that wasn't his fault. So carried on the way he had before. Silly tit.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 15 Jun 2007, 12:02, Reply)