14 stitches...
Just getting down to the needful with a splendidly gorgeous girl in my room in a Uni hall of residence when the twunts from the block started bashing on the door and jeering. Now I'm a fairly hefty bastard and jumped out of bed to thump one, trod on a wineglass and practically cut my fucking middle toe off. Blood everywhere and a trip to Hull Royal Infirmary.

Room-mate came back the following day and saw the dried blood everywhere and said : "Virgin was she?"
(Roger Darce sold his birthright for a mess of pottage, Sat 16 Jun 2007, 18:20, Reply)