OUCH
In my time I have lived with an escort more than half my age (utterly beautiful and it broke my heart when it ended but the sex in truth was never good - she simply saw it as a chore), had a 3 second blow-job from a well known regional politician that consisted of a very short lick (the religious nutjob thought it was dirty) and played bdsm games with some strange people (lots of other QOTW stuff there to tell sometime). I even took someones viginity and that wasnt good - why folk fantacise about that I don't know, never mind think about blowing the world up for 40 of them for eternity - virgins know jackshit about how sex can be fun and rewarding - they are usually scared and it's a bit bloody too. Nope not worth the candle they've been practicising on.

But the worst sex ever was my first encounter of my own and yes I was jackshit useless too. Outside on a hill half naked with a girl from the Orkneys - Linda I think her name was - and it was over in about 4 minutes and hardly remarkable apart from one slight downside. I rolled off and over and didn't even have time to ask "how was it for you dear" or to think about a fag before the pain hit. I was completly covered in nettle stings, having rolled into a patch I'd not noticed due to my ardour and my excitement of busting my cherry at last.

That has meant two things for the rest of my life. Firstly I always stress about sex with someone new - I was a virgin after all - I still worry that is what always happens.

And secondly I always now keep protection with me.

I carry a docken leaf in my wallet at all times.

*********

Length? All up my back and down a bit of my leg. My sagging member was thankfully spared however due to post-coital shrinkage.
(beaverwastemanagement a real company. I want to work for them!, Sun 17 Jun 2007, 21:48, Reply)