How about no, you crazy Dutch bastard?
About a year ago I decided to look up an old school friend, and asked my friend Bob for her email address. I add this address to MSN and the next time "she" signs in I'm greeted by "Mark finds himself lost in all his work. Need a friend... for ;) :P".

Hmm. Maybe Tori's boyfriend has been at her screen name, so I message anyway asking if I have the right person.

The answer comes back in Dutch, and my friend is definitely NOT Dutch, so I reply "really sorry but I don't speak Dutch, do you speak English?".

The conversation then went as follows:

Random Dutch guy: who are you then?
Me: I'm ... me. I think I must have added the wrong addres. Sorry.
RDG: do you like to play? i am Mark's sister
Me: that's nice.
RDG: I watch Mark and his gf have sex from the wardrobe. you want to see cam?
Me: No. Really. Going now.

I don't know why I didn't hit block then; perhaps I thought it was someone mucking about. Anyway, over the next few weeks this goes on (apparently the girlfriend and the sister were shagging, how convenient, and then they all added me, on different email addresses with the same font and icon as him; how stupid did they think I was?) and 4000 webcam requests and one-sided conversations about peeing and stuff later, eventually I get to talk to the eponymous Mark:

RDG: do you have a mouse?
Me: A computer mouse? Yes. Duh.
RDG: put it in
Me: WHAT?! You freak!
RDG: no it would be good. then go downstairs and say goodnight to your parents.
Me: No way. Just that.
RDG: want to hear my voice?
Me. No.
RDG: you do
Me: No I don't. Leave me alone, I have stuff to do.
RDG: you added me by accident and now I love you. we are fated to be together.
Me: No, really, it was a mistake.
RDG: we should meet soon.
Me: NO.

Eventually, I blocked him, but ever since then I get Dutch addresses trying to add me, and the odd email from "SexyBabes" or "FunkyHunks" which as far as I can work out are Dutch dating/porn sites. So if you ever meet a Dutch guy called "Stronkie" online, you don't know me, you've never heard of me and you don't have a mouse.

EDIT: It turned out in the end I'd added "[email protected]" when I really should have added "[email protected]".
( Maladicta, Wed 20 Jun 2007, 14:41, Reply)