The worst sex I ever had
OK, enough of the fluffy.
What's the worst sex you've ever had?
( , Fri 15 Jun 2007, 10:41)
OK, enough of the fluffy.
What's the worst sex you've ever had?
( , Fri 15 Jun 2007, 10:41)
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Tbh, the sex was pretty good, but its a good sory anyway, so w/e...
This whole night has abut 7 diffrent stems into stories I can tell, but I'll jus concentrate on the main one for now, I shall tell the others if the QOTW's come up in the future...
Basically, me and two of my mates (lets call em A & B coz they'll kill me if they know I've put this story out) had a couple at the pub and then back to B's house for a few after clsoing time. B had pulled with a bird the previous night and us being pissed decided to give her a bell. Givin' us the all clear to go down, we all get into the quickest taxi and jump down, 1am in the morning.
We arrive. The house is occupied by two roommates, and I cant remember the two girls names but I know they had the same name, anyway. B goes straight into the bedroom in 5 minutes of arriving and both me and A are sat on the couch chattin to the other (fit) housemate, both in a unwritten rule of "the best man wins".
Bear in mind, we've all pretty much had 3-4 pints down the pub, a litre of some irish coffee liquor shit, and a few cans. We decide to hit the sambuka... not in shots you see, jus drinking it like its a pint. We were all fucked.
A goes to the bog. At this point, I though I was gonig to be left in the living room by myself at one point but then heaven behold, the bird immediatly starts kissing me out of nowhere! A walks back in and we stop. This probably repeats 3-4 times in the next hour.
The 4th time, A walks back in, the girl doesnt stop this time, instead she moves over into me on the couch, and gets on top of me, in front of A. I couldn't look any cooler, feeling like wanting to stop and saying to him "that's how you do it mate!"
At least I did until all that sambuka made me throw up on her couch, carpets, thankfully not the girl, all her the stairs on the way down after I run out of her flat as A sits there laughing his head off.
Outside I decide whilst throwing the last of it up that I'll bail, grab the first taxi and go home, because I can't face gonig back up... then the lovely lady comes out and starts patting my back, making me feel so much more like an total cunt.
Me (whilst spewing against a wall): "I'm proper sorry"
Girl: "It's OK, I still fancy you"
Me: "I know, I fancy you too"
To which she grabs my hand, leads me back up the stairs, past my spew on the landing of her flat into her bedroom, were we done the dirty.
Whilst going for my life, B's finnished up, and both him and A decide that this would be the best time to barge through her unlocked door, allowing both of them and the other roommate to see a full shot of me shooting the lot inside her. They all run out pissing themselves, she puts her clothes back on, kisses me and says "well you've defo done that before! Your amazing!" making me wear a beaming smile for the rest of the week. Me & my mates got off 10 minutes later.
Good Times.
Epilogue: I did see the girl a month later when I was in the dentist and decided to say hi and get number after I was done, but I was getting an exraction, and decided that the fact that I couldn't talk with the cocaine they put in to numb my mouth, wouldn't be very attractive.
Apolgies for length... like I said, they saw the whole thing.
( , Thu 21 Jun 2007, 2:42, Reply)
This whole night has abut 7 diffrent stems into stories I can tell, but I'll jus concentrate on the main one for now, I shall tell the others if the QOTW's come up in the future...
Basically, me and two of my mates (lets call em A & B coz they'll kill me if they know I've put this story out) had a couple at the pub and then back to B's house for a few after clsoing time. B had pulled with a bird the previous night and us being pissed decided to give her a bell. Givin' us the all clear to go down, we all get into the quickest taxi and jump down, 1am in the morning.
We arrive. The house is occupied by two roommates, and I cant remember the two girls names but I know they had the same name, anyway. B goes straight into the bedroom in 5 minutes of arriving and both me and A are sat on the couch chattin to the other (fit) housemate, both in a unwritten rule of "the best man wins".
Bear in mind, we've all pretty much had 3-4 pints down the pub, a litre of some irish coffee liquor shit, and a few cans. We decide to hit the sambuka... not in shots you see, jus drinking it like its a pint. We were all fucked.
A goes to the bog. At this point, I though I was gonig to be left in the living room by myself at one point but then heaven behold, the bird immediatly starts kissing me out of nowhere! A walks back in and we stop. This probably repeats 3-4 times in the next hour.
The 4th time, A walks back in, the girl doesnt stop this time, instead she moves over into me on the couch, and gets on top of me, in front of A. I couldn't look any cooler, feeling like wanting to stop and saying to him "that's how you do it mate!"
At least I did until all that sambuka made me throw up on her couch, carpets, thankfully not the girl, all her the stairs on the way down after I run out of her flat as A sits there laughing his head off.
Outside I decide whilst throwing the last of it up that I'll bail, grab the first taxi and go home, because I can't face gonig back up... then the lovely lady comes out and starts patting my back, making me feel so much more like an total cunt.
Me (whilst spewing against a wall): "I'm proper sorry"
Girl: "It's OK, I still fancy you"
Me: "I know, I fancy you too"
To which she grabs my hand, leads me back up the stairs, past my spew on the landing of her flat into her bedroom, were we done the dirty.
Whilst going for my life, B's finnished up, and both him and A decide that this would be the best time to barge through her unlocked door, allowing both of them and the other roommate to see a full shot of me shooting the lot inside her. They all run out pissing themselves, she puts her clothes back on, kisses me and says "well you've defo done that before! Your amazing!" making me wear a beaming smile for the rest of the week. Me & my mates got off 10 minutes later.
Good Times.
Epilogue: I did see the girl a month later when I was in the dentist and decided to say hi and get number after I was done, but I was getting an exraction, and decided that the fact that I couldn't talk with the cocaine they put in to numb my mouth, wouldn't be very attractive.
Apolgies for length... like I said, they saw the whole thing.
( , Thu 21 Jun 2007, 2:42, Reply)
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