YES OR NO:
You could spend the night with the woman of your dreams. Maybe it’s Cameron Diaz or Elle McPherson or someone you know that isn’t famous. Maybe it’s your aunt. It’s up to you. It doesn’t really matter too much who it is, as long as she is The One for you.

Here’s the deal: You get to take her out for the evening to a top notch restaurant. You get as much money as you need to spend. You get to wear a designer suit. You both really enjoy the meal, with some fine wine and you get along famously. You are surprised at how relaxed she is in you company and how you find yourself easily recounting stories, sprinkled with witty remarks. Her conversation compliments yours and she has a happy and intrigued look in her eye.

After the meal you can either head out for a late drink in a bar, and maybe even head for a club after that, or you can take her back to the 5 star penthouse suit (with jacuzzi and free mini bar) that you get as part of this deal. You get chauffeured about in a big black limo. How late you stay out is up to you, but you’ll have a wonderful date, leaving you with a warm feeling, plenty of energy, excitement and anticipation.

Back in the penthouse, you get it on. You can use the jacuzzi together, roll on the rug in front of the fire and/or take full advantage of the massive four poster bed. You get to make deep satisfying love all night long. She is completely satisfied with your magnificent performance and there is nothing that she won’t do. In the early hours of the morning, at the end of the perfect date, you fall soundly asleep in each others arms. When you wake up, she is gone, you have to check out straight away and all that remains is the memory.

And the catch.

Before you leave for the meal, she comes to the penthouse and has a dump. The turd is carefully balanced on a lolly stick and placed into the freezer section of the mini bar. Then you get to leave on your date. No-one in public notices the two of you together. You just blend in like any other couple. You don’t get your picture in the paper, you don’t get any fame for being her new beau. You can never tell anyone about the date. Not even your mum. Not even your best friend. No-one. Ever. But, you do get to have the perfect date and a night of fantastic sex with the woman of your dreams. Now, remember the turd on a stick that’s in the minibar? Well, when you wake up in the morning, you have to eat it. All of it. Probably best to get it down quick, before it starts to defrost.

Do you accept? YES OR NO?

Also, as part of a separate dilemma, like the great Steve Davis often has to face, is it better to go for the tight brown, or the easy pink?
(Grey Triggerfish, Wed 19 May 2004, 17:31, Reply)