Fairly sure I saw an article on the beeb the other day telling people to masturbate because it's safer than going out on a date and catching the virus
can't find it now
(dribble, Thu 21 Jan 2021, 18:24, archived)

i haven't been able to find a date for years
maybe it's this moustache
(Literally Hitler stop playing with my jewlirium, Thu 21 Jan 2021, 18:25, archived)